Therapy today

So, we had therapy today, and it was very exhausting. After I write this post, I am going to sleep. I am drained. I don’t remember most of the session, but I do know that Amelia made a safety plan. Maybe the others will write more about the session later, I’m not sure. Sorry we haven’t posted in a while. Just been very busy. We got excepted into river oaks, but now have to fight the insurance company. Just thought I would update you all.

Ray

MY MORNING RANT *TW*

HEY, IT’S ENIGMA, AND I’M HOT TO TROT THIS MORNING. I’M SO DAMN ANGRY!!! WHY CANT WE BE IN SCHOOL DOING SOMETHING WITH OUR LIVES AND MAKING SOMETHING OF OURSELVES? PROVING OUR DAMN FAMILY WRONG!!! NO, INSTEAD, WE’RE JUST TRYING TO FUCKING SURVIVE!!! WE’RE DOING EXACTLY WHAT THEY SAID WE WOULD DO!!! WE ARE NOT BECOMING ANYTHING!!! WE’RE JUST EXISTING, FUCKING MISERABLY EXISTING!!! IF THIS IS HOW LIFE IS, THEN I DON’T WANT TO BE IN IT!!!

FUCK THE DAMN PROFESSIONALS WHO SAY THEY CARE. THEY DON’T CARE AT ALL!!!! I THOUGHT ANGER WAS SUPPOSED TO GET THINGS DONE, BUT IT’S NOT. NO MATTER HOW LOUD I SCREAM, THEY DON’T HEAR ME!!!! WHY EVEN TRY TO BE HEARD ANYMORE? MIGHT AS WELL BE SILENT LIKE THE CULT TOLD ME TO DO…. THEY WOULD LIKE THAT ANYWAY…. SORRY FOR THE RANT.

ENIGMA

despair

So just got a message from our PCP that River Oaks isn’t an option and that our only options were Passavant psych unit which won’t accept us, and to follow up with our psychiatrist for the other medical issues. We’ve basically been told that the one place in the country that can help us with all our issues isn’t an option because of insurance. don’t even know why I even try.

Ray

TEST

Still trying to figure out the whole tags thing when sending posts by email. Here goes.

Tags [email, blogs, WordPress]

Sent from Mail for Windows 10

asking for help feels hopeless and fruitless…

asking for help doesn’t seem to produce any results. none of the three doctors who said they would make the referral have done it… dont even have the energy to use exclamation marks anymore… my dietitian referred me to the weight loss and wellness program which supposedly has an eating disorders team, but there are no medical doctops overseeing their ED patients. my team has basically given up on me except my therapist, but the insurance won’t accept a referral from my therapist, because it has to be a doctor who makes the referral. My PCP and psychiatrist both aren’t seeing us for 2 months. i dont know what to do or say…

Ray

FEELING SO DAMN FRUSTRATED

I’M FEELING SO DAMN FRUSTRATED!!! JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS NUMBERS: WEIGHT

WE WEIGH 90 POUNDS AND OUR BMI IS 15.3 AND BODY FAT IS 14.6, AND NO ONE WILL DO A DAMN THING!!! I AM TRYING TO HELP, BUT WE CAN’T CONTINUE TO DO THIS ON OUR OWN!!! I DON’T WANT TO DIE, NOT FROM THE PHYSICAL COMPLICATIONS OF THIS DAMN EATING DISORDER. IT IS SAD THAT 20% OF PEOPLE WITH ANOREXIA WILL DIE!!! I DON’T WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE STATISTICS!!! I’M AFRAID WE WILL END UP ON A MEDICAL FLOOR GETTING FED WITH AN NG TUBE, AND NONE OF US WANT THAT!!! IV’S WERE USED IN OUR TRAUMA!!! HELL NO!!! WISH OUR DOCTORS WOULD JUST MAKE THE DAMN REFERRAL!! THOSE THREE DOCTORS WE’VE SEEN, AND NOT ONE OF THEM HAS MADE THE REFERRAL OR DONE A DAMN THING!!!

ENIGMA

Tags[alters, DID, anorexia, ED, inpatient, hospital, eating disorder, ED treatment, mental illness, mental health]