I’m wondering, does anyone know how to stop suicidal thoughts? I’ve ben trying to deal with this problem now for a while. If anyone has any tips, please coment below.
So today is national system pride day. It was set up by the Entropy system on YouTube. You need to be proud of your system and for what they ‘be helped your survive. They all deserve to know that they are appreciated. Show them love and do something to make them feel appreciated. Play with your littles or write them notes if you don’t have good communication. And don’t forget to check out the Entropy system on YouTube!!
So we officially have no primary care provider and no psychiatrist. Yesterday I called to check on an appointment and they told me that I transferred out of that medical group with my primary care provider as his patient which I did not do. No one can tell me what the hell is going on. Then I spoke to my psychiatrist nurse who told me that he agreed that I needed a higher level of care, but then half an hour later I get a call from his secretary saying that I don’t meet criteria for any of the diagnoses that I have been diagnosed with in his opinion. I don’t understand how after three times of seeing me in one year he can say this when the appointments have only been 15 minutes with the exception of the first appointment which was 40 minutes. How can he discount something such as anorexia when the signs are clearly there? What did we do to deserve this? I don’t know what we are going to do now. Now we are not being medically monitored for the eating disorder.
So we had our dietitian appointment on Friday, and it was good news but not good news. They said their program was not going to be enough to help me that we needed an inpatient level of care and they would document that. We have a place that has excepted us, but Medicaid refuses to pay. I don’t know what we are going to do if we can’t get them to pay. We are essentially without a dietitian and an eating disorder therapist for now. Not sure what’s next, but this road is so long and confusing and scary.
DO YOU SEE ME? DO YOU HEAR ME? I FEEL SO ALONE IN THIS world WHERE I HAVE TO SHARE A BODY WITH SO MANY OTHERS THAT NO ONE ON THE OUTSIDE SEES. I JUST WANT TO BE ME. I JUST WANNA BE SIXTEEN. IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK? AM I ALLOWED TO BE THE TEENAGER I NEVER GOT TO BE?
Hope you enjoy.
So, we had an intake with an eating disorder therapist at the weight loss and wellness center. Apparently they have an eating disorder’s team. I’m supposed to see her every two weeks. I am seeing the dietitian there this coming Friday, and after that the clinical team will discuss the case to see what needs to be done from here. The therapist did say that inpatient would be ideal right now considering everything we have going on. Will keep you posted.
So, we had therapy today, and it was very exhausting. After I write this post, I am going to sleep. I am drained. I don’t remember most of the session, but I do know that Amelia made a safety plan. Maybe the others will write more about the session later, I’m not sure. Sorry we haven’t posted in a while. Just been very busy. We got excepted into river oaks, but now have to fight the insurance company. Just thought I would update you all.
HEY, IT’S ENIGMA, AND I’M HOT TO TROT THIS MORNING. I’M SO DAMN ANGRY!!! WHY CANT WE BE IN SCHOOL DOING SOMETHING WITH OUR LIVES AND MAKING SOMETHING OF OURSELVES? PROVING OUR DAMN FAMILY WRONG!!! NO, INSTEAD, WE’RE JUST TRYING TO FUCKING SURVIVE!!! WE’RE DOING EXACTLY WHAT THEY SAID WE WOULD DO!!! WE ARE NOT BECOMING ANYTHING!!! WE’RE JUST EXISTING, FUCKING MISERABLY EXISTING!!! IF THIS IS HOW LIFE IS, THEN I DON’T WANT TO BE IN IT!!!
FUCK THE DAMN PROFESSIONALS WHO SAY THEY CARE. THEY DON’T CARE AT ALL!!!! I THOUGHT ANGER WAS SUPPOSED TO GET THINGS DONE, BUT IT’S NOT. NO MATTER HOW LOUD I SCREAM, THEY DON’T HEAR ME!!!! WHY EVEN TRY TO BE HEARD ANYMORE? MIGHT AS WELL BE SILENT LIKE THE CULT TOLD ME TO DO…. THEY WOULD LIKE THAT ANYWAY…. SORRY FOR THE RANT.