Feeling so sad today. I wish I could control my alter personalities. I wish I could control what they do when they’re out, but I can’t. It’s impossible. I’m not even aware of what they do when they’re out. I just wish I knew how to cope with DID. My therapist wants to work on trauma work, but I told him that if we worked on trauma, that my other personalities would come out more. I told him we needed to build a safety net to keep me out of the hospital….


So, I saw my therapist today, and we both agreed that I needed to work on coping skills before we start working on trauma. My other personalities have been coming out more and more. I have no control over what they do when they’re out. Amilia is angrier than ever before, and Lucy is scared out of her mind because this place where I’m living is closing in three months…

I’m back

I’m back! I was in the hospital for a while. One of my personalities Amilia was threatening to kill me. My therapist and doctor both agree that I have multiple personalities, but they didn’t want to put that label on me. They said that these parts  of me would go away with therapy once we worked on the trauma. Now isn’t a good time to work on the trauma because the place where I’m living is closing in three months. Amilia came out to talk to my therapist while  at the hospital.

New Diagnosis

So the other day, I got a diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder from my therapist. I have two other alters. Their names are Lucy who is nine and Amilia who is 16. Amilia is angry and self-destructive. She’s the one who cuts me when I’m not aware. Lucy is timid and shy and frightened. Sorry I haven’t updated in a while.

psychiatry appointment

I have my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. I’m looking forward to it. I need to discuss some things ith him like the dissociation and cutting and not remembering what I did. Hope it’s a productie appointment.


So, last night, I was having flashbacks and nightmares, and I dissociated. When I came back, I realized that I had cuts on my wrists. Hince my earlier post about self-harm. It was really scary to deal with. This has happened once before. I just wish it didn’t happen at all.