Hi, I’m Allison, and I’m 16, and I’m struggling with thoughts of self-harm, suicide, and anorexia. I hate food. I don’t know howto tell Rayette about this, so ‘m writing it here hoping she will read it. Yesterday, someone cut with a razor down to the bone, and since then, I’ve thought about doing it to.
So, insomnia plagues me again. I went to sleep at around 9:30 last night and woke up at 1 this morning. Looks like it will be a long night for me. One of my littles woke me up saying she was scared and couldn’t sleep. It was Samantha, and she is nine. I hope I can get some more sleep tomorrow night or rather tonight. I saw Dr. Bay yesterday, and he told me that he wasn’t increasing my meds because it takes up to two weeks for them to work. He said patience isn’t my strong suit, and I laughed at that.
tags[alters, dissociative identity disorder, blindness, abuse, trauma, triggers, insomnia]
So, i have some coping skills for dealing with anxiety. First, use relaxation techniques. This doesn’t work for me, but take a long hot bath or shower. Notice things around you that relate to your senses. For example, notice things around you that you an smell, taste, hear or touch. Practice deep breathing. It may or may not work for you. tags[anxiety, coping, trauma, triggers, abuse, crisis]
So, I got a new charger for my computer. I’m looking forward to typing my blog posts again…
tags[blindness, alters, dissociative identity disorder, trauma, triggers, computer=
So, I got a new charger for my computer yesterday. Looking forward to posting my blogs from my computer again. so, I’m doing really well today actually. I had no nightmares last night at all. I just want to thank all my blog readers for reading my blog, and happy reading.
Sorry for all of the mistakes in my latest blog post I have been using voice to text to send these posts by email from phone. Hopefully in a few days, I will get a charger for my computer so then I can start typing everything out again. Thanks for being understanding at happy reading.
So today started off very Rocky. I didn’t get to sleep until 5 this morning and then slept off and on until noon. It was not a peaceful sleep. I had terrible nightmares. I was in charge of a cooking demonstration tonight, it’s kind of like Rice Krispies. There was one person in particular who came in later after I was done making the treats that said he was there from the start. I know he wasn’t there because he always even if there’s food involved involved asks staff if he can have some over and over again I told him he wasn’t there when I started making them and he said how would you know you’re a fucking blind girl I said shut the fuck up you stupid bastard. How dare he insult my abilities or my disability. last night I was talking to some friend’s her mother oh yeah, and my alters just kept popping out what I was talking to some friends from Australia, and my alters just kept cutting out like I was a revolving door. I was thoroughly exhausted from the whole ordeal by the end of the day. Tonight, one of the counselors who worked here made me tell her my entire life story in 45 minutes. She didn’t go into any of the details, but now he’s are flooding back like crazy. Don’t know when I will get to sleep tonight. Hopefully it is soon. I’m going to ask the doctor on Thursday to increase my circle if it’s not working by then. Seroquel. hope all of you have a good night, and thanks for. Reading.
So here’s a fun little job for my blog readers if you have any questions for me please ask them in the comments, and I will answer them in an upcoming YouTube video. Sounds fun, well it is.
depression is so heavy on my mind today. I feel like not eating, sleeping, and just overall not taking care of depression is so heavy on my mind today. I feel like not eating, sleeping, and just overall not taking care of myself. Tired of living I wish I could make it all. Go away. I Tired of the flashbacks and Nightmares. I don’t care if they overwhelm me anymore. sorry for all of the mistakes in this blog post. I’m not in the sorry for all of the mistakes in this blog post. I’m not in the best state of mind. If anyone is out there reading this please.. if anyone is out there reading this, please comment. Google now, my throat is getting sore. I will write Google now, my throat is getting sore. I will write more later. I have to go now. don’t care about myself to me. I hate my so. To me anymore. I’m just
so, I’m feeling depressed. I have looked everywhere I can think to look for treatment for all of my disorders, and I cannot find anything in our state. I found one place, but you have to be under 22 for them to accept Medicaid. I tried calling McLean Hospital in Belmont Massachusetts this morning, and they told me that I had to be a resident of that state for a certain period of time before I was eligible for Medicaid benefits. I’m beginning to lose hope that I will ever find treatment. I only see my therapist every two weeks which is not enough. She can’t do anything about that though. At least she believes me. Hopefully I’ll be getting an official diagnosis from her. I lost a friend to suicide yesterday. I tried all of my coping skills and nothing was working. Finally I took an atom fell asleep at like 12:15 a.m. and woke up at 7:30 a.m. from a nightmare. When will this ever stop. When will I ever find really. Sometimes I think I better off. Dead. Some days, I just want to end it all. My alters are yelling really loudly for me to kill myself. I’m getting tired of this. I’m getting tired of living I’m getting tired of being sexually harassed. I wish I could. I’m reliving my trauma over and over again, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. It just feels like this revolving door that I keep getting pushed into and out of and it feels like a revolving door by rapidly switch between Alters because of acute distress.