Feeling depressed

so, I’m feeling depressed. I have looked everywhere I can think to look for treatment for all of my disorders, and I cannot find anything in our state. I found one place, but you have to be under 22 for them to accept Medicaid. I tried calling McLean Hospital in Belmont Massachusetts this morning, and they told me that I had to be a resident of that state for a certain period of time before I was eligible for Medicaid benefits. I’m beginning to lose hope that I will ever find treatment. I only see my therapist every two weeks which is not enough. She can’t do anything about that though. At least she believes me. Hopefully I’ll be getting an official diagnosis from her. I lost a friend to suicide yesterday. I tried all of my coping skills and nothing was working. Finally I took an atom fell asleep at like 12:15 a.m. and woke up at 7:30 a.m. from a nightmare. When will this ever stop. When will I ever find really. Sometimes I think I better off. Dead. Some days, I just want to end it all. My alters are yelling really loudly for me to kill myself. I’m getting tired of this. I’m getting tired of living I’m getting tired of being sexually harassed. I wish I could. I’m reliving my trauma over and over again, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. It just feels like this revolving door that I keep getting pushed into and out of and it feels like a revolving door by rapidly switch between Alters because of acute distress.

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