Sleepless night

So, we had a sleepless night. Maybe it’s because we slept during the day because it feels safer to do that then it does to sleep at night. So, while we’ve been awake tonight, Amelia has cleaned the kitchen, and we have watched the live stream of a game for the blind called a hero’s call. It is an RPG. The internet is down, so there’s that. Thank God for unlimited data. LOL I can’t believe today is New Year’s Eve. It’s hard to believe that tonight at midnight starts the year 2018. A lot has happened in this year including most of it spent in the hospital, but most importantly, we are living on our own now, finally! I think with the help of our caseworker who seems really motivated to help us and with our therapists help, we can continue to live on our own. Not sure if we might have to move to get more support that we need, but if we do, we are up for the challenge. May 2018 be the year of many blessings and things to come. I just want to thank my readers for following and reading my blog. It really means a lot. We have a YouTube channel, and you can find it by going to the YouTube search bar and typing in my multiple life. Please subscribe, like, and share my videos and the channel. Blessings to you all, and have a safe and happy New Years.
ray

Meeting with my caseworker

Hi everyone,

So I had my meeting with my caseworker Sarah today. We went over my goals for her being with me and we also went over my treatment plan. She says she is going to read some books about dissociative issues. We also signed a release at my former psychiatrists office so that my insurance will authorize transportation for me to go to my appointments. The amazing thing is that she has worked with someone with a visual impairment before so she knows what it’s like and how to handle things. She even understands eating disorders and how hard it is for me to do things. She also doesn’t agree that the whole heart thing is normal like the electrophysiologist said it was. She’s not the only one. Other doctors are saying the same thing. Overall it was a very good meeting. We gave her peanut butter fudge and chocolate chip cookies that we had made.

Ray

Got myself some gifts

So, I got some new things for myself for Christmas. I got an iPod touch which is blue, I got some PJ pants and some fuzzy socks. I am so happy with these things. I know the kids will enjoy them.

Ray

want a forever family

I want a forever family. I want a mommy and a daddy who will love me for me and not tell me that I’m not real. I want them to see me as they’re little girl. I want them to love me, not hurt me. Sometimes, I think I deserve the hurt and don’t deserve the love. Wish I could have been adopted.

Alison

psych testing

So, I have just got the results of the psych testing we had done at HartGrove, and this is what it showed:

I was of average intelligence.

I have significant anxiety and depression and PTSD relating to traumatic stress.

I have BPD, but what they didn’t realize was that the symptoms of BPD were being displayed through my other alters.

They tested me for two to three hours a day and different alters would answer questions so answers were inconsistent.

They also said that my emotional responses weren’t congruent with the things I was talking about, for instance, I was smioing when talking about traumatic events.

They said I had symptoms that were consistent with the diagnosis of DID but that I needed further evaluation because the time I had spent there wasn’t enough time to assess for it so they gave me a diagnosis of OSDD pending evaluation.

They also said that they couldn’t evaluate properly for an eating disorder diagnosis because they didn’t have enough time and that my report of weight loss couldn’t be proven even through my report.

They said I needed to be monitored after discharge for suicidality and mood swings and dissociative episodes after discharge. They also suggested that I keep a paper with my name, address phone number of my therapist and at least one other emergency contact with me at all times.

Ray

INSURANCE CRAP!!!!!!!!!

SO, WE HAVE NO INSURANCE AND NO PRIMARY CARE DOCTOR OR NO DOCTORS IN FACT. THE INSURANCE COMPANY TOLD US YESTERDAY THAT WE DIDN’T LIVE IN THE SERVICE AREA SO WE WERE GOING TO HAVE TO FIND A DIFFERENT PLAN. I CALLED THE STATE ENROLLMENT NUMBER, AND THEY TOLD ME THAT IF I SWITCHED PLANS THAT THE NEW PLAN WOULDN’T GO INTO EFFECT UNTIL THE FIRST OF FEBRUARY NOT THE FIRST OF JANUARY, SO THAT MEANS I WOULD BE WITH THE MERIDIAN PLAN FOR A WHOLE MONTH AND NOT BE ABLE TO GET TO ANY OF MY APPOINTMENTS OR HAVE ANY OF THEM BE PAID FOR. DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. THIS IS SUCH A MESS. SO IF I GET SICK, WE’RE SCREWED!!!!!!!

Ray and all

Update on case worker

So, my caseworker was unable to make our appointment today because she was sick. I see her on Friday. This means I will have no support from my current treatment team for three days. Hope we can make it through.

Ray

ED thoughts

I don’t want to eat. If I do, I want to throw up. I hate gaining weight. I just want to be thin. I also want to binge, but that would be allowing myself to have sweets, and we just can’t do that. I need to starve…

Amilia