My long asterisk trigger for talk of weight and behaviors asterisk with Ed

So, I’ve been struggling with an eating disorder for the last 17 years. For the first 10 years, it was strictly anorexia, and then behaviors alternated between binging and Starving in Cycles. At my lowest weight at 14, I weighed 79 lb. I’m surprised my teachers and school never said or did anything about it. I then also realized that my alters have eating disorders of Their Own. This makes things very complex and confusing as I’m not sure how to work with it all. I’m going back down the road of starvation again. I am finding it very hard to even drink things such as ensure or even eating a piece of cheese. I feel so stupid, lost, and alone. I weigh myself everyday but I’m trying to weigh myself less like maybe once or twice a week. I am trying my best to do this thing called recovery, but I have Medicaid so finding treatment options is not easy. The nearest IOP program to me is two and a half hours away. My alters have behaviors such as binging, starving, and purging. I used to take diet pills and use laxatives as well. If anyone has any tips for recovery from an eating disorder when you also have did, please comment. I now weigh 116 lb. Sorry if this is triggering to anyone.

10 Replies to “My long asterisk trigger for talk of weight and behaviors asterisk with Ed”

  1. weight restoration is rough without support. i’m so sorry to read this only now :(( i feel so similarly about people noticing though – i was at a similar lowest weight and nobody ever suspected anorexia… its tough. there are supports for recovery, but you still have to self motivate to reach out to those supports. you can do this Ray. all of you can. (i hope that this is an okay way to say i am speaking to both you and all your alters! if it’s not then let me know!)


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