ITS EMMI

its emmie. i hate food!!! i just cant eat… so many things happened to me around food. if i eat, i have to throw it up cuz of the you did to me. I dont deserve food. they made me eat so much that i got sick and then they did stuff to me and then made me… eat.. what i threw up!!! god, i cant think about it!!! i cant eat!!! maybe Karen will understand. shes our dietician. i needed to get this out…

Emmie

IN THE ER

So we’re in the ER again. We haven’t been here for three months. Just couldn’t handle the meds not working. The system was going down fast. I was actually on lockdown because I couldn’t cope. Now it’s just a waiting game to see if anyone accepts us. I texted our insurance care coordinator to tell her that they needed to pay for the treatment I needed not subpar treatment. I will keep you updated if I can. Thanks for reading and all your support.

Ray

MY POOR CAT

My homemaker who comes on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays has stepped on Tiger twice this week. It’s not cool!!! I practicY bit her head off yesterday because I’d had enough.

FAKE SMILE

im tired of pretending everything’s ok. my meds aren’t working. my ED is out of control. my whole system is in chaos. i also found out today that residentil ED treatment isn’t an option. i tried applying to a free Christian residentil program for women called Mercy Multiplied, and they said that because of having DID, it makes me unsta and it’s more than they are equipped to treat. They say they treat trauma, but they don’t handle the most complex form of it. Guess I was have to accept that there is no help.

Ray

GOOD NEWS, but a LITTLE NERVOUS

So, I went to see Jodi today. She wants me to keep a log of the food that I eat for the next two weeks. I’m not sure tas a good idea as that is one of the things that got me into my ED in the first place. She referred me to a dietician, and I’m going to see her on the 26th. I’m going for my assessment for the ED program on the 29th. We’re also trying to sort out the whole electrophysiologist thing. There was a mixup with communication between doctors. One thing that Jodi doesn’t understand is that there are going to be days that I’m going to struggle. She just expecffs me to meet my caloric intake goal every day. She’s finY going to see about increasing my Lamictol when I see her again in two weeks. Overall, a good appointment. Just a little nervous about the whole food diary thing.

Ray

SATURDAY THOUGHTS

Hi everyone,

Today, I’m struggling with ED thoughts. I’m struggling with restricting and counting I’m obssessed with my weight. I just need support.

Ray

FEELING APREHENSIVE

So, I’m going !my doctor on Monday. My care coordinator from my insurance -pany will be there. My caseworker will also be there. This doctor isn’t reY a doctor. She’s a nurse practitioner. I’m just afraid she’ll say I’m not sick enough clinicY for eating disorder treatment. I’m also apprehensive that the program we’re going to at OSF will know how !help us. Guess you could say, it’s hard for us !trust professionals.

Ray

FEELING SAD

HI, FEELING SAD AND ALONE… NEED A FRIEND. NEED SUPPORT. JUST WISH I WASN’T SO ALONE… JUST FEELING IN DESPAIR… ANYONE AROUND?

RAY