So we had our dietitian appointment on Friday, and it was good news but not good news. They said their program was not going to be enough to help me that we needed an inpatient level of care and they would document that. We have a place that has excepted us, but Medicaid refuses to pay. I don’t know what we are going to do if we can’t get them to pay. We are essentially without a dietitian and an eating disorder therapist for now. Not sure what’s next, but this road is so long and confusing and scary.
DO YOU SEE ME? DO YOU HEAR ME? I FEEL SO ALONE IN THIS world WHERE I HAVE TO SHARE A BODY WITH SO MANY OTHERS THAT NO ONE ON THE OUTSIDE SEES. I JUST WANT TO BE ME. I JUST WANNA BE SIXTEEN. IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK? AM I ALLOWED TO BE THE TEENAGER I NEVER GOT TO BE?
So, we had an intake with an eating disorder therapist at the weight loss and wellness center. Apparently they have an eating disorder’s team. I’m supposed to see her every two weeks. I am seeing the dietitian there this coming Friday, and after that the clinical team will discuss the case to see what needs to be done from here. The therapist did say that inpatient would be ideal right now considering everything we have going on. Will keep you posted.
So, we had therapy today, and it was very exhausting. After I write this post, I am going to sleep. I am drained. I don’t remember most of the session, but I do know that Amelia made a safety plan. Maybe the others will write more about the session later, I’m not sure. Sorry we haven’t posted in a while. Just been very busy. We got excepted into river oaks, but now have to fight the insurance company. Just thought I would update you all.
HEY, IT’S ENIGMA, AND I’M HOT TO TROT THIS MORNING. I’M SO DAMN ANGRY!!! WHY CANT WE BE IN SCHOOL DOING SOMETHING WITH OUR LIVES AND MAKING SOMETHING OF OURSELVES? PROVING OUR DAMN FAMILY WRONG!!! NO, INSTEAD, WE’RE JUST TRYING TO FUCKING SURVIVE!!! WE’RE DOING EXACTLY WHAT THEY SAID WE WOULD DO!!! WE ARE NOT BECOMING ANYTHING!!! WE’RE JUST EXISTING, FUCKING MISERABLY EXISTING!!! IF THIS IS HOW LIFE IS, THEN I DON’T WANT TO BE IN IT!!!
FUCK THE DAMN PROFESSIONALS WHO SAY THEY CARE. THEY DON’T CARE AT ALL!!!! I THOUGHT ANGER WAS SUPPOSED TO GET THINGS DONE, BUT IT’S NOT. NO MATTER HOW LOUD I SCREAM, THEY DON’T HEAR ME!!!! WHY EVEN TRY TO BE HEARD ANYMORE? MIGHT AS WELL BE SILENT LIKE THE CULT TOLD ME TO DO…. THEY WOULD LIKE THAT ANYWAY…. SORRY FOR THE RANT.
So just got a message from our PCP that River Oaks isn’t an option and that our only options were Passavant psych unit which won’t accept us, and to follow up with our psychiatrist for the other medical issues. We’ve basically been told that the one place in the country that can help us with all our issues isn’t an option because of insurance. don’t even know why I even try.