Trigger warning eating disorder late night thoughts

Trigger warning: eating disorder tttttHello everyone,So just having some late night thoughts. Just thinking about treatment, and how it’s not even been a month yet, and we’re already struggling and almost back to pre-inpatient weight. I feel like a failure.. i know recovery is not leniar, but i still feel like i should have been able to keep things together longer than 3 weeks. i just feel like i didn’t try hard enough. i feel like i’m failing at recovery. this is just so hard. if we have to go back to inpatient, none of our issues will be addressed and we will end up in this same situation when we get back home. I’m just getting tired of this cycle. i just want to recover!!! Ugh!!! i hate anorexia. we’ve had it for 19 years!!! They say recovery is harder after 7 years of the illness. Why do things have to be so hard??Ray

she found us again… ugh!!!

So our biological mom found us again. This time, she found us through Twitter. When will the contact ever stop? It just amazes me how someone who hurt us so much good still want contact.

I mean, she actually direct messaged us and left her phone number. It’s just so frustrating that when we try to get away, we still can’t.


4:30 AM

Good morning everyone,
It’s 4:30 AM, and we are still awake. We cannot sleep. Not sure why, guess we’re just worrying about insurance and stuff. How is everyone? We hope you’re all well.

Always Live To Inspire

appealling and appealling

Hi everyone,

so Meridian is denying any form of treatment that isn’t an in-network provider. There are not any in-network providers to meet our needs at this time. They are refusing to cover Alsana, and we are going without treatment. so we are appealing their decisions. we just want treatment, and we don’t understand why it has to be so hard. Just completely at a loss.


medically cleared for Alsana!!!

We’ve been medically cleared for Alsana. they even have a therapist who specializes in DID there. Her name is Kat. Lily also had a good conversation with the clinician who did my assessment and is going to talk to me about it later today at our appointment. Hoping it all goes well. we might even get admitted over the weekend. Not sure though as we are dealing with insurance. Also, Alsana said they could cover my transportation costs to.


therapy appointment today

hi everyone,

so today, we had therapy with our new ED therapist, and it was ok. i learned that she wants to do mindfullness with us, starting with practicing it alone and gradually increasing to practicing it with food. She says we’ve had a lot of disappointment and rejection in our lives. she was very nice. she is goingto colaborate with Lily on things. we liked her.



hi everyone,

so we had our appointments today.

First, we had an appointment that was kinda pointless with MBH access people to update them on after we got out of the hospital.

Then the person drove us to Karen’s office for our next appointment.

We had our appointment with Karen. she said it was understandable that we would be struggling having gone from inpatient straight back to outpatient. she said to just try the best we can.

We then had our appointment with our primary care provider. She also said the same thing our dietitian said and that she would do what she could to help us get into residential. She said she would write letters or whatever she needed to do. We got lab work and an EKG and a urine test done as well to complete the medical packet from Alsana. so yeah, a long day.


Home from inpatient

We are home from inpatient. We are already struggling. Some others inside are already using behaviors. We contacted a residential treatment center who has worked with our insurance before, and when we told them that we were discharged straight back to outpatient with no one who specializes in eating disorders, they were completely flabbergasted. They said we never should’ve skipped three levels of care. We are going to be seeing a therapist who specializes in eating disorders online. We will take anything we can get at this point, because even she says we are still any vulnerable. With our health. We were only there for 2 1/2 weeks. We made a lot of art pieces while we were there. We liked the art therapy and the dance movement therapy, but we were not allowed to talk about why we were struggling with meals because it was trauma related. We were not allowed to be ourselves there. I guess we did get some benefits from it, but somethings obviously not right since we are still struggling.