Trigger warning eating disorder late night thoughts

Trigger warning: eating disorder tttttHello everyone,So just having some late night thoughts. Just thinking about treatment, and how it’s not even been a month yet, and we’re already struggling and almost back to pre-inpatient weight. I feel like a failure.. i know recovery is not leniar, but i still feel like i should have been able to keep things together longer than 3 weeks. i just feel like i didn’t try hard enough. i feel like i’m failing at recovery. this is just so hard. if we have to go back to inpatient, none of our issues will be addressed and we will end up in this same situation when we get back home. I’m just getting tired of this cycle. i just want to recover!!! Ugh!!! i hate anorexia. we’ve had it for 19 years!!! They say recovery is harder after 7 years of the illness. Why do things have to be so hard??Ray

4 Replies to “Trigger warning eating disorder late night thoughts”

  1. I’m right there with you. Personally, the fact that inpatient services do very little to address the mental side of the disorder does a massive disservice to us all. It can take a ton of time and work to deal with the mental underpinnings of the disorder, and till that happens, maintaining weight can be nearly impossible. It’s “we won’t address this until your weight is stable”, but then you can’t keep your weight stable long enough to address what is causing it in the first place. The circular effect is exhausting. Don’t beat yourself up for relapsing. You’re not failing, treatment is failing you (and many others). A cancer patient would never say, “I failed chemo and it’s my fault for not trying hard enough.” They say, “Treatment failed”. Same thing here. Your not being set up on your feet well enough or long enough to actually succeed.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Omg. I didn’t realize you had DID like me too. Social media is slowly helping me to feel less and less alone. Thank you for creating your blog, I really appreciate it and I wish you weren’t struggling as much as you do. Best of wishes.

    Liked by 1 person

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