Lily

When my therapist texted me yesterday, she told me she had been at a conference where the editor of an amazing book about trauma and eating disorders spoke about DID and eating disorders!! Yay!! She is going to call me later this morning to tell me what she’s learned. yay!!

Ray

so so sad

I’m so so sad, but don’t know why. i feel almost nothing except this overwhelming sadness. just want to sleep and sleep. why am I here? not sure why I’m out at all. I’m usually stuck inside. i don’t even know anything of our life now. i just know about the inside life in the inner world. am i still back where i was before? no, this place is different. i don’t know this place, this bed, this room. I guess it’s our apartment. just my rambling thoughts.

Sheila 14

Trigger warning eating disorder mentioned

Trigger warning

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.I don’t have any idea why we are struggling so much, but the struggle is real. Different parts are using different behaviors, and it’s very frustrating. I know it all has to do with trauma, but it’s taking its toll. Feeling very stressed and alone. This hearing can’t come soon enough. I hate flashbacks and trauma memories with a passion. I don’t know if today’s date has anything to do with it. After the weekend, the hearing will be in one week. I am happy that this two-year battle will hopefully finally be over, but at the same time, we still have to fight the hardest battle of getting treatment. Recovery is not going to be easy, and it most certainly is not linear. I’m not counting on relapsing, but if it does happen, what are we going to do? We can’t fight another two-year battle to get treatment again. Just my rambling thoughts here on a Friday morning.

Ray

ED Tw don’t read if you’re not in a good place

Trigger warning:c eating disordered behaviors

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really struggling today.

i want a banana, but my brain says no to even that. it’s just a banana!!! dang it!!! ugh!!! why can’t i just enjoy a freaking banana??? I just don’t get it? I know it’s a fruit high in calories, but what the hell? What has my brain come to? I just want to eat!!!!! I hate fighting this battle!! Maybe it’s another alter not wanting it?? Emmie maybe?? Programming maybe?

Ray

to disappear TW ED mentioned

Trigger warning: anorexia and behaviors

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Just want to disappear,

Grow smaller and smaller, not die, just be smaller.

i know losing weight will never make me happy, but the allure is so appealing.

want to get all the food out…

want to count and count. had to count calories when younger, part of MC programming.

not sure how to break the cycle.

will the trauma be to much?? want to stay looking like a little girl, maybe then i wouldn’t have been hurt?

want to lose and lose and lose.

don’t deserve food.

not worthy…

but somehow i want to recover.

want to be free from the MC programming.

Emmie 12

two weeks!!

Can’t believe the hearing is in two weeks!!!! Maybe the two year battle will finally be over!!! We sure hope so!! Hope to get the psychologist’s report today.

Ray

from Stella

hi, im Stella. I’m 13. i just wanna sleep. im so exhausted. just so so tired. can’t i just sleep for a few years? Just so drained.

Stella

ED therapist

So we had to stop seeing our ED therapist Netalia. We just couldn’t afford it. She said she wouold seWe see Megan APN tomorrow.

Raye if when she got soeme things sorted out if she could see us probono. She said she would put us on her list. Hope we hear good results from the hearing.

from Dana TW food

TW food

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hi im Dana. i dont like food in the tummy. i dont like to be full. i get flashbacks of the bad stuff when im full. i dont like it. i feel like im back there again…. i dont even want to think about it.

Dana 11