Thankful but grieving

I’m grieving the life I once had. The life where I could eat anything I wanted. Where I could just go to the fridge and get whatever I wanted to eat or drink. It’s almost been a year since I got my first feeding tube, and although I love my tube and it has given me my life back, I still miss the days of just eating. 
I don’t like relying on a central line to stay hydrated, but at the same time, I’m thankful for it to, because it keeps me out of the hospital, 
I miss the life I had before needing these medical devices, but I’m also thankful for these tools that have enabled me to continue living my life to the fullest. Though there may be days where I don’t tolerate my formula like now, I hope and pray that eventually a solution will be found. I don’t like being hooked up to tubes all the time, but if that’s what it takes to keep me alive then that’s what I will do. I’ve had to learn to be radically excepting and just except that this is how things have to be. Oh how I wish there was a cure for my conditions, but until that day, I will be ever grateful for my feeding tube and central line as tools to help keep me thriving and surviving. 

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