So we got the psychiatrist report from when we saw the new psychiatrist on the 30th, the one that we had waited three months to see. He said D ID was BPD and that we needed dialectical behavior therapy. He also wrote that I had histrionic features and that I am being noncompliant with the treatment regimen because I do not want medication. He’s not seeing me anymore. He also doesn’t show any hope in me getting treatment for my eating disorder. If any of you would like the report, I can forward it to you. He is also under the impression that I said I did not want medication for my pots.
its emmie. i hate food. Ray is eating a lot today. i cant stand it!! flashbacks are to much!!! god i hate this!!
i want the food out!!!
hi everyone. so yesterday, we went to the hospital because our PCP was concerned. we were there for 7 hours only for them to say there was nothing they could do since we weren’t suicidal. they put us in a regular room at first’s, but then they put us in the psych room with the cameras, even though we weren’t suicidal. Then they moved us back to a regular room and we had to wait to get our stuff back after mental health evaluated us.
Mental health said that they couldn’t do anything because the criteria they have for hossitalization states that you have to be suicidal for admission.
My PCP said they couldn’t let me die. so now i don’t know what to do. I feel just so stuck.
[categories eating disorders, mental illness, mental health stigma]
its emmie. i dont want food. i want to be thinner. i just want someone to see me and actually care, like a doctor. im trying, but its just so hard. i cant stop!!! i need to not eat. Do you understand? am i alone? i just want help. i hate this!!!
what do i have to do to get treatment? we went to the new psychiatrist, and he basically said that he couldn’t help us. He also said that DID is just exaggerated BPD. he said that meds won’t help me and recommended that I continue to meet with my therapist and he’s not seeing us anymore. so much for providers actually listening to us!!! i mean, some of my providers have said that if i don’t get treatment, I will die! they don’t care!!
im so fat!! i hate myself. im so disgusting. i want to keep decreasing my calories. i hate this!! i want to recover, but people notice this body now that they say we’re thin… im not though… im fat!!!
hi its emmie. i dont want to do this anymore. i hate the food. i just cant!!! i wouldn’t mind getting down to 85 pounds or even 80. We’re already 92. or maybe we should just cram our mouth full and risk the refeeding thing. since the insurance or doctors don’t care anyway. just feeling low.
I had some turkey and mashed potatoes and some stuffing today. I’m proud of me!! and tomorrow we’re having pumpkin pie with our therapist!!!
[mental health, mental illness, eating disorder, anorexia]
*Trigger* mentions weight
why do we have to continue to suffer? i dont know. all i know is 20% of anorexics die!!! one person dies every 62 minutes from an eating disorder. I’m 76% of my ideal body weight. what more does my body have to go through? why do my issues be so complex? my issues are keeping me from getting into treatment!!! i just hate this!!! sometimes, i dont care and just want to end my suffering! my heart rate has gotten as low as 43 and as high as 159, and no, i wasnt excercising. what the hell do i have to do to get the help i need?
i cant just go to the ER for fluids because of malnourishment because if i go to the ER, they bollis a liter of fluids in an hour which can cause heart failure. and i cant eat what i’m supposed to to gain weight, because of the risk of refeeding syndrome which can be fatal!! i really feel like i’m in a lot of catch 22s. Like what am i supposed to do? I have lost 80 pounds in the last year!!! i’m just so damn lost!!!