feeling suicidal

So, I’m feeling suicidal. Last night one of my so-called friends judged me for self-harming which something she does herself. She then proceeded to tell me that her story was worse than mine. a counselor made me talk about the abuse I went through without giving me grounding techniques. I called my foster mom for support, and she sent me a long text message that says, Dear red thank you for your weekly phone call. I’m doing fine and so are the boys, thanks I’m doing fine and so are the boys, thanks for asking. I used to love getting I used to hate getting hung up on but now the Slick of the phone has become an enduring Melody. I clearly don’t know how to love a person like you I look forward to your phone call next love you, Mom. I called The Suicide Hotline and talk to them for a little bit. They called me back this morning to do a check in. This stuff the only thing they did was put me on team minute checks and they didn’t do anything else. The people here The people here aren’t helping me. I can’t wait to go to Michigan. I spoke with my counselor today, and she asked me what I got being in a crisis. I told her that I like being in crisis because part of me is comfortable with being ill. I told her that part of me doesn’t like being in a crisis because it only keeps me safe for a certain amount of time. The other reason I like being in crisis is because I get attention and nurturing from people. my therapist the other day asked me why my psychiatrist has not diagnosed me with dissociative identity disorder, and I told her, it’s because he believes it does not exist. My therapist the other day asked me why my psychiatrist has not diagnosed me with dissociative identity disorder, and I told her, it’s because he believes it does not exist. I don’t have any specific plans, but I would like things to stop an end. I’m tired of reliving my drama, I’m tired of my alters reliving the trauma, and I’m just sick and I don’t have any specific plans, but I would like things to stop an end. I’m tired of reliving my trauma, I’m tired of my alters reliving the trauma, and I’m just sick and tired of everything. I’m writing all of this in an attempt to make my blog posts longer so I get more I’m writing all of this in an attempt to make my blog posts longer so I get more readers. I just wanted to thank everyone who supports me on this blog and my YouTube channel. You can find YouTube channel at my therapy space. Sorry for all of the mistakes in this blog. I voice to text to write this blog post. I’m doing it by email on my phone. anyway, back to the conversation with my foster mom, she told me I do the same thing to them and expect them to forgive me. She told me that because I have mental illness I expect them to give me. She says, why don’t you have the same courtesy for your friend? I said it’s different like your family. I have to go back to you because you’re the only family I have left. I meant for kids not I meant for give not give if anyone is out there I could really use a friend right now Support those of really long way. I just need to make it to Michigan. I don’t know how long the process is going to take for me to get there, but I need to make it there in one piece.

Update time

I’m doing okay today. Alters are still suicidal. I don’t know what to do about that. I spoke with my insurance company, and they’re going Call me when the authorizations through. I slept for about an hour today without having nightmares, so I guess that’s a win. He wants to write a post, but I don’t know what she wants to write. Amelia. I wish I could communicate with my alters better. Not being able to communicate frustrating. I don’t know what to do about everything. I hope everything works out in the end. I’m hoping that next hospitalization will fix some things. I know it’s not good to be a cure-all.

Psychiatrist update

So, I saw my psychiatrist today. He didn’t increase any of my medications. He just signed a letter that my counselor wrote for my insurance company for the pre-authorization stage of going to Michigan for the Forest View Psychiatric Hospital program. Alters are still suicidal, and I don’t know what to do about it.

Afraid

A little afraid. Amelia gave our biological mom or Counselors phone number. Luckily, she entered it wrong, phone number are so hard I wish they were easier. I don’t know what to do look. I’m going to go to sleep now, so we’ll talk to you guys later.

Update time!!!!!

Hi everyone, I’m doing OK   today besides the fact that amount keeps telling me she wants to die. I wish I could could type this with my voice. 

update for today

So, apparently, the other day, Amelia posted on my blog without my knowledge. She posted about suicide, and my blood shares my blog automatically shares to blog automatically shares to Facebook. My friend saw it and brought it to my attention. We went to the counselor to talk about it, and it put me on 15th and took things out of my room.

Amelia’s suicidal

Tired of waking up from nightmares at night and during the day hey, it’s Amelia, and I am very alone right now. thoughts of suicide keep crossing my mind, and it makes me feel even Thoughts of suicide keep crossing my mind, and it makes me feel even worse. Sometimes, I think, if I were dead, things would be easier. The host has no clue that I’m feeling this way. sometimes, I think it’s better to keep my feelings to myself than to tell anyone about them. I just need someone to talk to. If anyone is available, please comment.

Amelia’s thoughts

Hey, it’s Amelia, and I am fed up. I am sick of everything. I just want everything to stop. I’m just done with everything. Life can take a back seat for a while. I will want to be in control.

Feeling discouraged

So, I’m feeling discouraged. I was told by Crisis Text Line that they needed a note from my  doctor for me to continue training. The person at crisis text line thinks the training material is triggering me, but it’s not. I can do this. I’ve always wanted to do something like this. I can do this!!!!!! I just need someone to believe in me!!!!!