So, after watching the movie To the Bone, I have some things I would like to say.
First, the movie suggests that you have to be a certain size to have an ED. This is just simply not the case. You can have an ED at any size. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t on your deathbed or if you’re not deathly skinny, you are sick enough for treatment. If you engage in behaviors or have disordered thoughts, then you deserve treatment. An ED is a mental ilbbness. Just because you might be removered physically, you still have to do the mental work necessary for recovery.
My primary care provider told me I wasn’t sick enough for treatment, but that’s just one doctor’s oppinion.
Second, that movie was very very very triggering. Even watching the movie with DVS, I could just tell by what the narrator was saying about how the characters were acting that it was triggering, not to mention what the people themselves were saying. Like, they were talking about the number of calories in certain foods.
And lastly, I don’t agree that they have an actress who already had an ED lose weight for the role of someone else with an ED. I would think that would be triggering for her to do that. Those are just my thoughts.
Trigger Warning: Mention of weight and numbers
So my psychologist isn’t concerned about our ED. He said he doesn’t get concerned unless weight goes below 100 pounds. I’m only 9 pounds away from that. He told me to not make an emergency of something that’s not. I told him I didn’t have a dietician especially not one that specializes in ED, and he said I didn’t need a specialist. I told him that a person with an eating disorder can have medical complications even at a normal weight. He told me that for treatment places to accept me, I would have to be at death’s door. He’s basically telling me I’m not sick enough for treatment. Makes me want to cake things worse just to prove to people that I need treatment. I just don’t know anymore!!!
Get rid of the scale!!!
You are not defined by the number on the scale. You are much more than that. I understand if you are trying to lose weight for health reasons, but you dont need to do it unhealthily.
Find someone you can talk to.
Having someone to talk to really helps me to know that I’m not alone. By the way, if anyone needs to talk, I’m here. You can email me at
Reach out for help!!
You want to nip an ED in the butt before it destroys you. I know an ED is all about control, but you want to take control of it before it takes control of you. I’ve been dealing with an ED for the last 17 years.
Join a support group.
I’m still learning to accept these tips myself, and I know there will be days when I struggle, but we all can overcome this. You are beautiful just the way you are. I believe in you. From no one else does, just remember my blog and that I believe in you. Stay strong and keep fighting no matter how hard it gets. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just felt like someone needed to hear that. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
So, today has been hard. My POTS is flaring up again. I woke up this morning, and I checked my pulse, it was 69. I got up and went to make breakfast. All I did was put it in the microwave. Within 15 minutes of standing, my heart rate was 161. I had woken up at 10:15 am, but by 2, I was tired and had to go to sleep again. I only woke up about an hour ago. POTS is so frustrating to live with. I go to the cardiologist on Monday to get a second oppinion about it. If anyone has any advice on dealing with this condition, please help. I’m taking in extra salt and as much as I can. I also have an eating disorder. Thanks for reading.
I’ve created a new email support group for people living with anorexia. This group is for anyone in recovery from anorexia or their families. It doesn’t matter what stage of recovery you are at. No mention of weight, calories, clothing sizes or anything like that. If you do, please put a trigger warning where it needs to go.
So, I think my anorexia is coming back. I hate eating. I hate gaining weight. I think if I eat that food, it will make me fat…. I just wish I didn’t have such irrational fears of food… I just want to be normal…
So, today, I’m feeling sad. My medication isn’t working anymore…. I see my doctor at the beginning of this month. He’s supposed to be helping me find the right medication. I hope we can find the right ones.I just feel so utterly alone… My alters are fighting for control of the body… Amilia is so angry and Lucy is just so emotional… Stacey is just so self-conscious. She doesn’t want to eat. Amilia wants to harm the body… She is just so angry. She would prefer it if the body ided… What she doesn’t realize is that if she kills the body, she kills herself.
So, today in therapy, we talked about my eating issues. We discussed how my eating issues directly related back to my past and to my abusers. My counselor told me that my anger was rightfully placed and that I was validated in my anger. She did tell me however that I needed to place that anger on my abusers and not on myself. She told me that if I continue these behaviors, that it’s only giving power back to my abusers.
For Christmas, I got makeup, jewelery, an iTunes giftcard, snowboots, and a hot chocolate it. They were all wonderful gifts!! I actually ate all my food at the meal… That was very anxiety provoking. I got through it, and that’s all that counts.
So yesterday, I ate a piece of cake and some chocolate ice cream. I felt so guilty for doing this. Stupid eating disorder thoughts…. I just want to be normal. I want to live a life without mental illness, without abuse… Hope all my blogging friends are doing well. Sending virtual hugs. 🙂