update 

So, I’ve made a relationship with one of the nurses here. We’ve agreed that I’m going to take three bites of everything on my plate. After a week of this, she’s going to reward me with nail polish. As long as I stick to my end of the bargain. I ended up cutting yesterday because of the memories. Yesterday was an anniversary day of things that happened to mo as a child. I have to learn to separate my ED voice from my own thoughts. 

another update

I failed miserably to eat any of my meals today. I just hate food. I fear food because I don’t want to gain weight. Food to me is fat… I just want to stop this cycle, but don’tknow how to get the control back. Food controls my life. I feel like if iI don’t eat, I have control, but really the food is controlling me…

trigger talk of eating disorders 

update trigger talk of eating disorders

so my therapist told me today that i meet all the signs of anorexia except being underweight. I had to promise my therapist I would eat an entire meal this week. I’m honestly not ready to give up my behavior, because it’s become like a friend to me. I restrict my food intake. I’m just looking for support. I know it’s not healthy, but I keep doing it. It’s like the food has the control. I feel as if I’ve lost control. Not sure how to get it back.