update 

So today, my therapist told me that I had EDNOS. I just don’t meet the weight requirement for anorexia. He has to do more research, but he is teaching me moping skills for how to deal when the urges come not to eat. Today we learned distraction techniques. He has to do more research, because he doesn’t specialize in eating disorders. 

update 

So, I’ve made a relationship with one of the nurses here. We’ve agreed that I’m going to take three bites of everything on my plate. After a week of this, she’s going to reward me with nail polish. As long as I stick to my end of the bargain. I ended up cutting yesterday because of the memories. Yesterday was an anniversary day of things that happened to mo as a child. I have to learn to separate my ED voice from my own thoughts. 

another update

I failed miserably to eat any of my meals today. I just hate food. I fear food because I don’t want to gain weight. Food to me is fat… I just want to stop this cycle, but don’tknow how to get the control back. Food controls my life. I feel like if iI don’t eat, I have control, but really the food is controlling me…

another update

So, I now live in a shelter care.  They do everything for you like cleaning, laundry and cooking. My doctor put me here after I went back to the hospital for running out of meds. My foster mom said it wasn’t her job to take care of a twenty three year old’s medications.  I’m trying to grt into a place called Mercy Ministries which is a six month residentail treatment program that’s free of charge. I’m going through the application process now. Hope I can get in. Wish me luck.

update for tonight

Having a pretty okay dalbany care becaue of the self harming behaviors. I’m moving back in with my foster mom to go back to school and get on with my life. I will be paying her rent to live there. I will get counseling and psychiatry in my area. That’s about it for now.ayso far. I didn’t get accepted to 

update

So I spoke with the main staff at my group home, and she said that I needed a higher level of care. On Tuesday, we are going to contact albany care to see if they got my referral. I don’t think she was happy that I had to leave the group  home. I hope I can get in. A former vision teacher of mine said she might be able to take me to the place since otherwise, i  would have to take the Mega Bus or amtrak. If I took amtrak, I would have to pay $45 extra for the rest of my luggage. I hope this all works out, and at least at albany care, I will have mopre staff to talk to. 

memories 

In the group home where we live, our bedrooms are cold. The cold reminds me of being in an old house where we used to live with my parents. We had no food, no blankets, and very little clothing. I know I’m not there now, but it’s so cold that it just reminds me of being there ‘ag. Other than that, I’m having a prety okay day. Haven’t had the urge to cut… That’s good. When I take naps without taking my medicine for nightmares, I still have them which isn’t good, but I survive. I’ve been fighting the urges to not eat or to purge my food. I’m happy to say that I’ve made it successfully without doing either. I also haven’t had any breakdowns which makes today a good day. Never stop believing in yourself. 

Randomness

Hi my name is rayette and i am 23.  I Live with mental illness. I just wanted to do an introduction and say a little about myself. I have schizoaffective disorder, borderline personality disorder, major depressive disorder, and post dramatic stress disorder.  I live in a group home. If anyone has any questions, please comment below.