Dietitian appointment yesterday feeling very invalidated

So, yesterday, we went to see our dietitian. As soon as I walked in, and she weighed me, she said well, what are you doing right this time? I knew by that comment that I had gained weight. I then showed her the appeal letter that my attorney had written, and she said that it was a little intense when she had talked about the risk of me dying. I just thought it was really invalidating. It only reinforces the belief that we are not sick enough. Plus, the others don’t feel comfortable coming out around her because she always says that she is not the therapist when the slightest hint of that is happening. Anytime we try to talk about things related to Food, she said we need to talk about what you’ve eaten or what you haven’t eaten. I just wish there was more to the dietitian appointment than that.

Ray

please donate for a much needed device!!!

Hi everyone,
so I’m trying to get a new device called the BrailleNote Touch Plus. It’s a Braille tablet that will help me with productivity and keeping up my Braille skills. It also would be easier for me to type on because it uses a touch screen. It would be way easier on my joints. I know it is expensive, but I really need it to keep and maintain as much independence as possible. Even if you can’t donate, I wod appreciate it if you could share the link. Thanks.
https://paypal.me/rayetter/

Thank you.

Ray

hopeful update about the appeal

So got an email from Megan yesterday, and it said.. they will be sending a draft of their appeal letter to their supervisor and finalizing it, and then they will send us a copy. God, i hope this appeal goes through and we finally get treatment.. Should know something by Monday or Tuesday if they got the appeal and then the hearing has to be scheduled with the state. That could take a few months, but hope not!! we just need a break!! i hope against all hopes and odds that we will finally get the help we need!! 

Ray

therapy today trigger warning talk of ED

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Hi everyone,

so today we had therapy. Lily had us read journals from like two years ago when we were in the hospital. it was very hard and brought back a lot of things that I didn’t want to think about. I just don’t know how to feel feelings because I’m not able to name them and be comfortable with them. she wants us to do a system map and try to get to communicating with each other more. There are reasons why some don’t want to communicate right now, but I’m having a hard time explaining that to her. The ED helps me avoid dealing with the trauma, because we’re not ready to do that yet. i don’t want to feel the feelings and deal with the memories. Am I just being stubborn? That was my therapy session today.

Ray

tags[alters, ED, anorexia, eating disorder, mental health, mental iness]

the damn medical system!!!

Hello everyone, so it’s been a while since I have written here. I went to a new primary care provider today, and he took one look at my chart and said that I had too many psychiatric issues for him to be my primary care provider. He told me to go back to the provider who had made comments about my weight.. I can’t even get basic medical care. I hate the damn medical system!!!!

Ray

tags[medical, Medicaid, mental health, chronic illness, disability, insurance, trauma]