update from insurance company or not?

so our care coordinator called us yesterday to "give us an update" but it wasn’t much of an update. she said they have to contact UIC to see if teh admission is possible. she couldn’t tell me what doctors would be involved, what unit I would be admitted to, how long the admission would be, or what the assessment would entail. Basically, i have no more information now then when we had the meeting on Friday. I’m just beyond frustrated.

Also, my dietitian is saying we need to figure out something for the shourt term for now, but it’s like putting a Band-Aid over the situation. it’s setting us up for failure. I don’t even want to argue with my care coordinator anymore, and if i had my way, we wouldn’t be talking to her anymore. Sorry for the rant.

Ray

Porcelain smile

That porcelain smile on her face is fake,

How much wood will it take before she breaks?

The cracks in the smile are starting to show.

When will it break? Will anyone ever know?

I don’t understand why there must be a pain,

But we will keep pretending for as long as we can.

Does anyone see what’s behind that smile?

Maybe if they would listen to her for a little while, then they would know The world of pain and hurt, and loneliness she goes through. Will you listen to her? We will be a friend to her?

Or will she just break into 1 million pieces again!

It’s like her childhood is being repeated by the system that is supposed to help, but instead is re-traumatizing.

Ray

IT’S ALL ABOUT RESPECT AND THAT’S AL THERE ISS TO IT!!!!

I’ve asked people to call me Raycand that hasn’t beeen respected by everyone. I feel like i shouldn’t be allowed to have the right to be called Ray when my “name” is Rayette legally.

That name waas used in abuse to trigger us. The question remains: what if I were transgender? Would you still not respect my name preference? I guess i shouldn’t stand up for myself to ask people to call me Ray because it doesn’t seem like eeveryone respects that request. It makes me really sad because every time someone calls me Rayette, it sends us into flashbacks and that’s not cool on top of everything we have going on. Sorry for the rant.

Ray

Let the Christmas festivities begin!

So we are going to Christmas Eve service in a little while, and then after that we are going to grandmas house for dinner and a gift exchange. Then we are going to our sisters house for a gift exchange and to make cookies for Santa. Then tomorrow morning is Christmas! 🙂

Ray

going home for Christmas

Hello everyone,

So we’re going home for Christmas. We hope it goes well. We are taking a few supplement drinks with us. Wish us luck. Have a happy Christmas everyone!!!

Ray

When you have Medicaid and an eating disorder

When you have Medicaid and an eating disorder, it is next to impossible to find treatment if treatment is not available in your state. What the people at Medicaid either don’t realize or don’t care about is that 20% of anorexics will die. My insurance company told me that sometimes people died because they don’t cover the services they need when I told them this fact. So I am taking things day by day keeping an eye on my heart rate as sometimes when I walk it goes as low as 46 or even 43 bpm which is not normal for someone who is walking around the store. I just pray every day that my body does not decide to give out before I can be helped to get the treatment I so desperately need. I go to my providers who are scrambling and telling me to go to each other with no result because no one knows what to do to fight the monster that is Medicaid. All I hear from the emergency room is either go out of state for treatment or stay home and die. What is this world coming to? All I know are money hungry insurance companies who don’t care about the person but all they care about is the profit and the money they will save by not paying for someone’s much needed treatment. Actually, they are spending more money on crisis stabilization programs that I keep going in and out of when it would be far cheaper for them to pay for the treatment I need that would also be the most effective. Instead, they are constantly telling me that I need this or that for their appeal process and so we have been waiting for over a year languishing and suffering because they want to find a lower cost medically necessary alternative. I find it interesting that there a denial letter says the services that we are requesting are a non-emergent when in the appeal itself it says if we do not get treatment I am at risk of death. How is that not emergent? And the person who reviews the appeal is a psychiatrist, but do they specialize in eating disorders? The short answer is no. They also say that we need to find treatment at a lower cost medically necessary alternative which by the way is breaking state and federal parity laws. They cannot impose a fail first policy meaning they cannot tell us that we need to complete treatment at a lower level of care and fail first before they will approve a higher level of care. They are hoping that by drawing out this appeals process, we will give up trying, and even though there are some days that yes, we want to do just that, we will not. I just hope our body can hold out. Also, they say if we need immediate treatment to go to the local emergency room, but that is a dangerous thing to say because the local emergency room knows nothing about eating disorder treatment and will give a liter of fluid in one hour which for someone with an eating disorder can kill them. I do not nor will I ever understand the logic of a government insurance, and I almost wonder if this insurance company that is run by the government isn’t put in place to continue ritualistic abuse whose goal was for the person to die which is exactly what will happen if we do not get treatment. Coincidence? I think not. The only thing I wanted for Christmas this year was to get into treatment, but that is not going to happen. At least I will be around people I love. We have a long battle ahead of us, and we just hope that physically we can hold out to see it through.

Ray

denied appeal

So they denied the appeal. We are taking them to court. Hope we win. This is rediculous.

They said we didn’t meet medical necessity criteria. To hell with them!!!

Ray

FROM AMILIA *tw*

HI ITS AMILIA. I’M JUST SO FULL OF FOOD!!! I HATE THIS!! I KNOW THAT I NEED TO EAT, BUT ITS JUST SO MUCH!!! I KNOW WE NEED HELP, BUT I’M JUST SO AFRAID!!!

AMILIA

tags[alters, DID, anorexia, ED, dissociative identity disorder, eating disorder, mental illness, mental health]

Update and our day-to-day

So today, we have a very busy day. Our homemaker is coming in about 20 minutes, and then we have therapy at three. After that, we have our holiday dinner for our apartment complex. Our attorney is also supposed to be submitting the appeal to our insurance company today. Hopefully we will be getting a copy of that appeal. I am very afraid about the holiday dinner because my biggest fear is that people will be watching what we eat. Have a good day everyone, and stay safe.
Ray

Psychiatrist report

So we got the psychiatrist report from when we saw the new psychiatrist on the 30th, the one that we had waited three months to see. He said D ID was BPD and that we needed dialectical behavior therapy. He also wrote that I had histrionic features and that I am being noncompliant with the treatment regimen because I do not want medication. He’s not seeing me anymore. He also doesn’t show any hope in me getting treatment for my eating disorder. If any of you would like the report, I can forward it to you. He is also under the impression that I said I did not want medication for my pots.
Rey

Sent from my iPhone