medication problems

Hi everyone,

so today i got my Metaclopramide from the pharmacy. It wasn’t cut in half like it’s supposed to be. I called the pharmacy to ask them about it, and they said that they weren’t allowed to do it per company policy. I told them I was visually impaired, and it wasn’t easy to break them in half because they weren’t scored, and they said they couldn’t do it because it would look like they tampered with the meds. I mean, they’re the pharmacy!!!!! like what? So I called my doctor, and we might have to switch to a different med. ugh!!!!

Ray

time and flashbacks TW and food…

Trigger warning: flashbacks, trauma, and food

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Hello everyone,

so we are struggling with flashbacks, and trauma stuff and time loss. Trauma really really sucks. I dont like food, i hate it. it just has so many memories with it. just really overwhelmed with trauma. So many sirens going by right now. llots of loud noises. just want to be hugged and not have to deal with this alone. I’m writing this and feeling very spacey. very dissociated. so many memories… just feel stuck in the flashbacks…

Amilia

feeling overwhelmed TW trauma and food

TW food and trauma

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Hello everyone,

So I am out less and less. There are just so many choices with food, and it’s getting really overwhelming to keep up with all the choices and to keep up appearances that we’re eating. I feel like things have to be perfect… I’m snapping on people more because of malnutrition. and Meridian needs to get their head out of their butts and see that we, not just me, needs treatment. More and more alters are forming because of all this. Thanks for reading.

Ray

TW I don’t know

Trigger warning: not sure why just thoughts

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i just want to be free from all this pain, all this torment. we just want treatment. Why does this have to be so hard? i hate these memories. I dont like the way the food reminds me of what they did to me. How much more can i take before i break? Energy levels are low and i know it’s because of malnutrition. All I’m asking for is treatment, and instead, I’m getting a whole lot of denials because of my conditions, my blindness, pushback because the treatment is in another state because we’re poor. The system is failing us majorly. Meridian says they treat their members like family, well, I’d hate to know they were killing their own family!!!

Ray

chronic pain and not sure what else TW trauma

Trigger warning: trauma and loss of control

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Hello everyone,

So my EDS (ehlers Danlos syndrome) is acting up and also my scoliosis. Also having body memories. It’s not cool at all. I just want to sleep for a long long time, but can’t because of pain.

Ray

from Emmie Trigger warning eating disorder

Trigger warning eating disorder

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hi everyone, it’s emmie. i hate food. i hate it. i hate it. i dont deserve it!!!! trauma sucks!!! memories, oh how i hate them!!! the only way i can stop them is to not eat!!! ugh!!! i hate this!!!! any words of advice?

emmie

from Tabitha Trigger warning

Trigger warning: eating disorder numbers

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Ray is trying so hard to get us the help we need. But no matter what she does, we keep being failed by Meridian. We are 95.4 pounds. This is not ok. Meridian says they treat their members like family, well, I would hate to think they would kill their family because eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. I know no one on the treatment team believes that PHP is the best level of care ofr us, but I guess we have to settle for that. Why do we try to get the help we need? Ray just feels like Meridian doesn’t care about us. All they see is a number. She is still trying, but it just seems pointless to keep going over something we can’t control, so we can control food.

Tabitha

no hearing Monday

So the hearing isn’t happening on Monday.

Meridian’s attorney called my attorney yesterday morning and siad they would work with Alsana to talk to them about getting me into the PHP program. They did this two days before the hearing. They received the reports from Dr. McKenzie and Dr. Rakofski, the psychologists who evaluated us. None of my providers believe that a PHP program will be sufficient to meet our needs. So the hearing will be postponed for at least another week. Megan emailed my treatment providers to tell them about this latest development. Also, my care coordinator has left Meridian. I found out when i called her yesterday and it went to the message that the number has been disconnected. So I have a new one. Also having problems with my home care company. They are short staffed and I am missing out on hours. I’ve missed out on 10 hours alone this month. I just want treatment, and am finding it hard to keep posative.

Ray

Lily

When my therapist texted me yesterday, she told me she had been at a conference where the editor of an amazing book about trauma and eating disorders spoke about DID and eating disorders!! Yay!! She is going to call me later this morning to tell me what she’s learned. yay!!

Ray

so so sad

I’m so so sad, but don’t know why. i feel almost nothing except this overwhelming sadness. just want to sleep and sleep. why am I here? not sure why I’m out at all. I’m usually stuck inside. i don’t even know anything of our life now. i just know about the inside life in the inner world. am i still back where i was before? no, this place is different. i don’t know this place, this bed, this room. I guess it’s our apartment. just my rambling thoughts.

Sheila 14