So feeling kind of depressed. I got the Internet on my computer because of my phone today. I feel like cutting because earlier, I ran into the computer and broke a clock. I’m apparently supposed to be using my cane in the group home. I didn’t know that. Anyway, I have to explain that to the staff tomorrow. Other than that, I am doing pretty well.
So I spoke with the main staff at my group home, and she said that I needed a higher level of care. On Tuesday, we are going to contact albany care to see if they got my referral. I don’t think she was happy that I had to leave the group home. I hope I can get in. A former vision teacher of mine said she might be able to take me to the place since otherwise, i would have to take the Mega Bus or amtrak. If I took amtrak, I would have to pay $45 extra for the rest of my luggage. I hope this all works out, and at least at albany care, I will have mopre staff to talk to.
Hey, just wanted to do a quick update. I just got out of the hospital. I was having suicidal thoughts and self harm thoughts. None of the meds were changed. I was only there for four days.
I’m seriously thinking of leaving the group home I live in now. The staff don’t care about my problems at all. They told me that my hearing voices and suicidal thoughts were a load of crap. I also am not allowed to do the dishes by myself because they’re afraid I will drop them or that I won’t get them clean. I can’t manage my own money, and I’m just generally not happy. Also, I’m not in counseling. I keep bringing it up, but I keep being told that theyou are working on it. I just can’t take it anymore.
The blade that cuds, The blood that flows. To numb th I slice and slice, It stings like e pain, And bring relief.
In’m in a world where I’m told that my problems don’t matter, but I still keep trying. I still keep trying to fight, and nething will stop that. I mean nothing!!!
In the group home where we live, our bedrooms are cold. The cold reminds me of being in an old house where we used to live with my parents. We had no food, no blankets, and very little clothing. I know I’m not there now, but it’s so cold that it just reminds me of being there ‘ag. Other than that, I’m having a prety okay day. Haven’t had the urge to cut… That’s good. When I take naps without taking my medicine for nightmares, I still have them which isn’t good, but I survive. I’ve been fighting the urges to not eat or to purge my food. I’m happy to say that I’ve made it successfully without doing either. I also haven’t had any breakdowns which makes today a good day. Never stop believing in yourself.
So, today, I told my pssychiatrist what was said to me at the group home. I was tinld that my hearing voices and suicidal thoughts was a load of crap. He was not happy with that at all. He said I shouldn’t have been talked to that way. I have something to confess. I have to make myself eat food. I love seeing the pounds go down on the scale. I hope that makes sense. It’s a struggggle every day to refuse to eat, but I know I have to keep eating to keep myself healthy. There still is a part of me that just wants to stop eating completely. I know it’s not healthy, but… I’ve even thought about purging… Well, this blog wasn’t much more posative than the last, but I hope you like it.
A few days ago, a staff told me that my hearing voices and suicidal thoughts were a load of crap, because I waited until the day I went to the hospital to tell them. Also, I was told that cutting is an attentionccseeking behavior. I was also told to stop crying over every little thing and that I needed to toughen up. I see my psychiatrist on Tuesday, and I’m going to ask to talk to him alone. Usually, there is a staff in the room when we talk of our doctor. On Thursday, I ended up cutting again. Sorry for all the nhgative stuff today. Have a blessed day. Thanks for reading.
Having a good night so far. I have had no thoughts of cutting or any voices. So I kind of wanted to just say what it’s like living in a group home. We have to get up at 6 in the morning. We have breakfast and then we have lunch at 11:30. On Tuesdays and Thursdays we have groups on things such as money management, symptom management, social skills, and building relationships. The staff here are nice for the most part.