Feeling sad

I’m feeling sad today. I just want the control back over my life. Food dominates every fascet of it. I can’t even finish an entire meal for Pete’s sakes. Just blah. That’s all.

another update

I failed miserably to eat any of my meals today. I just hate food. I fear food because I don’t want to gain weight. Food to me is fat… I just want to stop this cycle, but don’tknow how to get the control back. Food controls my life. I feel like if iI don’t eat, I have control, but really the food is controlling me…

trigger talk of eating disorders 

update trigger talk of eating disorders

so my therapist told me today that i meet all the signs of anorexia except being underweight. I had to promise my therapist I would eat an entire meal this week. I’m honestly not ready to give up my behavior, because it’s become like a friend to me. I restrict my food intake. I’m just looking for support. I know it’s not healthy, but I keep doing it. It’s like the food has the control. I feel as if I’ve lost control. Not sure how to get it back.

Update 

Working on paperwork to get into Mercy Ministries Intake hoping they get it all by midweek next week. Not sure what the next steps are, but I’m looking forward to what God will do in my life. I can’t wait to meet the girls at Mercy.

another update

So, I now live in a shelter care.  They do everything for you like cleaning, laundry and cooking. My doctor put me here after I went back to the hospital for running out of meds. My foster mom said it wasn’t her job to take care of a twenty three year old’s medications.  I’m trying to grt into a place called Mercy Ministries which is a six month residentail treatment program that’s free of charge. I’m going through the application process now. Hope I can get in. Wish me luck.

another update

I am at home again. hope this goes well. I’ll be managing my own money and paying mom rent of between 2 and three hunderd dollars. I have to look for a psychiatrist before I run out of my month suply of meds.

update for tonight

Having a pretty okay dalbany care becaue of the self harming behaviors. I’m moving back in with my foster mom to go back to school and get on with my life. I will be paying her rent to live there. I will get counseling and psychiatry in my area. That’s about it for now.ayso far. I didn’t get accepted to 

update

So tomorrow I talk to Albany Care. I hope it all goes well. Feeling pretty good tonight. I don’t have any thoughts of cutting or anything. So that’s good. I want to read the boook posess me. I’ve heard it’s reallly good. //tomorrow, one of our staff that’s really strict comes to work, and hopefully, she doesn’t ignore me like she did the other day. Have a good night everyone.

update

So feeling kind of depressed. I got the Internet on my computer because of my phone today. I feel like cutting because earlier, I ran into the computer and broke a clock. I’m apparently supposed to be using my cane in the group home. I didn’t know that. Anyway, I have to explain that to the staff tomorrow. Other than that, I am doing pretty well.