update for today

Trigger warning:

So, I really need to say this. I’m struggling with flashbacks like crazy… I haven’t dissociated today, but I’ve been having flashbacks of my abuse… I just want to be a thriver and not just a survivor…

update for today

Trigger warning:





















So, I’ve been having flashbacks lately about my abuse… My father started sexually abusing me when I was one. I had a foster family who were members of a cult. They would involve me in their various activities. I wish I didn’t have to keep remembering more and more of what happened to me… I want to be not just a survivor but a thriver as well.

update for today

So I move to Peoria next Wednesday. I’m getting excited for this move. Still struggling with flashbacks and dissociation although not as much. I have God to thank for that.

update for today

So today was pretty good. I haven’t dissociated today or switched personalities. I didn’t sleep last night because of nightmares… I wish the nightmares and flashbacks would go away…

update for today

I have forgiven all the people who abused me. I mean all of them. I have forgiven every last one of them. Also, I got filled with God’s Holy Spirit yesterday. I now walk in peace in God’s peace. It’s such a great feeling to know that God is watching over me. I’m just so excited to see what God will do in my life from now on. I’ve been struggling with dissociation a lot lately. I just wish I could control my other personalities…

so sad today

Just so sad today. Feelings of suicide are coming back more than ever.. I just want to make it through the day without dissociating… I feel like I could implode… I feel like I could explode… I’m praying every minute of today that God would just take away all my pain… So far, it’s not working… I don’t know who I am anymore… I just wish I knew who I was… I wish I could slip into oblivion… I just want peace… Just feeling very low today… Death seems so appealing to me at times… I know it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I’ve heard that so many times. So please don’t try to tell me that again… I just need some encouragement. That’s all I need.

update for today

So I have aniother poem…

She hides in her room.

She cries herself to sleep at night.

She cuts her wrists to show her  ppain..She wants to know why she was hurt.

She wants to know why her dad had to rape her.

She wants to know why her mom had to say those horrible things to her.

She cries and cries until she can cry no more.

poem about self-harm

beautiful portrait

She paints pretty pictures,

But there is a twist,

The paintbrush is a razor,

And the canvas is her wrist.

She sees the scars she leaves behind,

And she tells herself it’ll be alright.

Every day, a new skill she learns,

To cope with life’s endless demands.

She throws away the razor and the blades,

Never to pick them up ever again.