anorexia thoughts *TW*

Anorexia says no food, but food is fuel.

Anorexia says I’m fat, but I’m not.

Anorexia says I’m not sick enough, but I am.

Anorexia says I’m not deserving of treatment, but I am.

Ray

Always live to inspire.

So so much *tw*

Hi everybody.

This is all to much. I dont wanna die!! We are really underweight. I want help, but no one will help us!! Feels like we have no control!! I dont like not having control!!! I dont know what to do. I just… dont know!! Just want to block everything out!!! Just so much anxiety!! So much pain… just so sad… so so sad.. just so tired… want the dreams to stop… just want it all to stop!!!
Emmie 12

BPD no no no!!!

So yesterday in therapy, Lily went ove the diagnostic criteria with us for BPD. She said that even though it’s mild, i still meet criteria. I don’t agree. Maybe I’m not seeing things clearly, but i just don’t see it. I’m not out of control with anger. In fact, usually, I’m not even the one who gets angry. Usually, it’s Enigma or Amilia or someone else who holds that. Lily said that anorexia could be considered impulsive. I don’t ge that, because it’s another disorder entirely. Again, maybe I’m wrong? I just don’t want to have BPD because of the stigma. I’m also confused because before, Lily was saying that i didn’t have it, but now, she’s changed her mind, just because i was in the hospital a few weeks ago for suicidal thoughts. wouldn’t any of you be to if you were going through what we are going through? I’m just confused… Any advice? Lily said she doesn’t even want to work on the BPD because it’s not my main issue. She says my main issues are DID, PTSD, anorexia and depression. She said DID was primary along with anorexia.

Ray

At the ER again…

So we are at the ER again for psych. I just don’t understand why my insurance has to be so damn stupid!!! This is. Continuous cycle that needs to stop!!! We’re not really fixing the issue. We’re just glossing over it with a temporary band-aid.

Ray

update from insurance company or not?

so our care coordinator called us yesterday to "give us an update" but it wasn’t much of an update. she said they have to contact UIC to see if teh admission is possible. she couldn’t tell me what doctors would be involved, what unit I would be admitted to, how long the admission would be, or what the assessment would entail. Basically, i have no more information now then when we had the meeting on Friday. I’m just beyond frustrated.

Also, my dietitian is saying we need to figure out something for the shourt term for now, but it’s like putting a Band-Aid over the situation. it’s setting us up for failure. I don’t even want to argue with my care coordinator anymore, and if i had my way, we wouldn’t be talking to her anymore. Sorry for the rant.

Ray

going home for Christmas

Hello everyone,

So we’re going home for Christmas. We hope it goes well. We are taking a few supplement drinks with us. Wish us luck. Have a happy Christmas everyone!!!

Ray

denied appeal

So they denied the appeal. We are taking them to court. Hope we win. This is rediculous.

They said we didn’t meet medical necessity criteria. To hell with them!!!

Ray

Update and our day-to-day

So today, we have a very busy day. Our homemaker is coming in about 20 minutes, and then we have therapy at three. After that, we have our holiday dinner for our apartment complex. Our attorney is also supposed to be submitting the appeal to our insurance company today. Hopefully we will be getting a copy of that appeal. I am very afraid about the holiday dinner because my biggest fear is that people will be watching what we eat. Have a good day everyone, and stay safe.
Ray

Psychiatrist report

So we got the psychiatrist report from when we saw the new psychiatrist on the 30th, the one that we had waited three months to see. He said D ID was BPD and that we needed dialectical behavior therapy. He also wrote that I had histrionic features and that I am being noncompliant with the treatment regimen because I do not want medication. He’s not seeing me anymore. He also doesn’t show any hope in me getting treatment for my eating disorder. If any of you would like the report, I can forward it to you. He is also under the impression that I said I did not want medication for my pots.
Rey

Sent from my iPhone