IN THE ER

So we’re in the ER again. We haven’t been here for three months. Just couldn’t handle the meds not working. The system was going down fast. I was actually on lockdown because I couldn’t cope. Now it’s just a waiting game to see if anyone accepts us. I texted our insurance care coordinator to tell her that they needed to pay for the treatment I needed not subpar treatment. I will keep you updated if I can. Thanks for reading and all your support.

Ray

Good news about doctors and insurance therapy update and psychiatrist stuff

So, my doctor has agreed to see me even with my current insurance. they’re going to do this until either they get contracted to take my insurance or until I switch plans. This is really good news as it will allow me to stick with a Doctor Who understands my needs and complexities. I have a psychiatrist appointment this afternoon, and the clinic is writing off the cost of this appointment because of the insurance situation. Also, my therapist told me that I’m just going to have to learn to use the resources that I do have in regards to my eating disorder, and she also told me to ask the psychiatrist when I go to see them today about ways that I can go about getting further evaluated for the dissociative issues because she said she is not qualified to do those evaluations. I asked her what I was supposed to do if it got to a point where things are medically unstable and I needed more than just inpatient treatment, and she said that I was just going to have to get medically stable and then work with the other stuff on an outpatient basis. I just don’t want things to go downhill and then I not have the support that I need to properly deal with things and then end up going back into a relapse. The other thing that has me worried is that the medication I am on currently is not working like I think it should. One reason for this I think, is because the medication is not out an effective dose to make a lot of a difference. Also, the medication I am on for anxiety is not working. I’m going to talk to the psychiatrist today and see if there’s anything you can do in regards to that. I know they cannot give me anything that is lethal because of the risk of either me or the other alters overdosing on the medication. I know that the borderline personality disorder poses a risk and is a barrier to me actually getting what might help in treatment. I have an appointment in a few hours with my primary care provider because in order to fill the prescription for the ensure that she wrote, I have to have an a valuation by her which she then submits to the durable medical equipment supply store so that they can determine whether they will fill the prescription or not. Ivan have an appointment this afternoon with my psychiatrist to discuss what we are going to do after he leaves. I hope that they don’t have a weight requirement for the ensure prescription to be filled. Also, tomorrow morning my caseworker is taking me shopping, and then after that I am meeting with the care coordinator from my insurance company to do the paperwork so that we can get homemaker services started. She said those it should be started by the end of next week and that I should get roughly 20 hours per week. Also, in therapy yesterday, we discussed on the service reasons for why are use my eating disorder as a coping mechanism. It’s because I feel like so many things are out of my control and it is one way that I can control things. I hope this all makes sense, and thanks for reading.

Ray

apartment inspection and other things

Y apartment inspection. I also cant get a PA for at least the next 8 months. I cant afford to lose this place. Don’t know what to do. The center for independent living cant help me. Im freaking out right now. I cant be homeless!!!!!!!!!!!!

trigger warning: talk of MK abuse…..

So I have just learned that we are a system who suffered through MK Ultra abuse or mind control/programming. I found out that Amilia has been programmed by someone to kill us if things keep coming out that were meant to be hidden. I don’t know what to do about this. I just hope we can find treatment. I don’t know if there is treatment for this in IL. We have an appointment on Monday to see our therapist, but don’t think we will tell her right away as we think this is way over her head. I’m shocked at what I have learned, but I have also learned that I can’t let things shock me anymore, because we’ve already survived the worst things, the abuse. All I know is we need help, and people are turning a blind eye, no pun intended to our needs. I just hope we can get help and get it soon. There is a program through our local department of rehabilitation services program called the home services program. I know there in the process of that, but it could take up to six years for me to even get in. This program offers PA services, intermitent nursing care, medication monitoring through the PA, adult daycare, and respite services for people with disabilities under the age of sixty. We could really use some support right now as littles are freaking out, and some of the other insiders are still bent on this suicidal programming. I hope this has not triggered anyone.

Rayette

Living independently? And Therapy?

Hi everyone,

So everyone told us that we could live independently, well myself, Rayette, I think you know what I mean. Well anyway, they told us this, and I believed it, but now I’m not so sure. The agencies that were supposed to help can’t. The living independent living center told me that they couldn’t provide the adaptive equipment that I needed until I was 65 because I didn’t qualify for the bureau of blind services program. My caseworker is less than reliable because she supposed to take me to doctors appointments and what not, but after my appointment, I have to find a ride home, because I get out of the appointment and find that she has left. Also when she makes appointments to meet with me she cancels at the last minute or calls me and tells me that she can’t come, or she comes and then tells me that she can only stay for a few minutes when I was prepared with a lot of information to give her or had a lot to talk to her about. The services coordinator of the apartment building that I live in was frustrated because she had to come in before she left for work to help me label my microwave so I could use it. I’ve had to resort to online 30 which I pay for out-of-pocket because my insurance won’t cover the therapy that I need. I get a medical reduction for this from the department of human services for my food stamps benefits, but I was supposed to have a live session with my therapist tonight, and I messaged her and she never replied so the session never happened. I’ve had to resort to online therapy sorry for the mistake, I’m using dictation on my phone.

Computer charger update!!!!!!

So, I got a new charger for my computer yesterday. Looking forward to posting my blogs from my computer again. so, I’m doing really well today actually. I had no nightmares last night at all. I just want to thank all my blog readers for reading my blog, and happy reading.

suicidal alters…

So, I have some alters who are suicidal… They’re just not wanting to live… I might have to drop my college classes because I haven’t gotten my books yet. I just wish I could finish school….. I just want to get through it…. Really struggling right now….

[categories personal, suicide, crisis]