FAKE SMILE

im tired of pretending everything’s ok. my meds aren’t working. my ED is out of control. my whole system is in chaos. i also found out today that residentil ED treatment isn’t an option. i tried applying to a free Christian residentil program for women called Mercy Multiplied, and they said that because of having DID, it makes me unsta and it’s more than they are equipped to treat. They say they treat trauma, but they don’t handle the most complex form of it. Guess I was have to accept that there is no help.

Ray

ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS: MENDED BY MATHEW WEST

How many times can one heart break,

It was never sposed to be this way.

Look in the mirror

But you find someone

You never thought you’d be.

Oh but I can still recognize

The one I love in you tear stained eyes.

I know you might not see it now,

So lift your eyes to me.

When you see broken beyond repair,

I see healing beyond belief.

When you see to far gone,

I see one step away from home.

When you see nothing but damaged goods,

I see something good in the making.

I’m not finished yet,

When you see wounded I see mended.

You see your worst mistake

But I see the price I paid.

There’s nothing you could ever do

To lose what grace has won.

So hold on,

It’s not the end.

No this is where love’s work begins.

I’m making all things new,

And I will make a miracle of you.

When you see broken beyond repair,

I see healing beyond belief.

When you see to far gone,

I see one step away from home.

You see nothing but damaged goods,

I see something good in the making.

I’m not finished yet,

Ooo, when you see wounded,

I see mended.

I see my child,

My beloved,

The new creation you’re becoming,

You see the scars from when you fell,

But I see the stories they will tell.

You see worthless,

But I see priceless.

You see pain,

But I see a purpose.

You see unworthy, undeserving,

But I see you through eyes of mercy.

When you see broken beyond repair,

I see healing beyond belief.

You’re not to far gone,

You’re one step away from home.

You see nothing but damaged goods,

I see something good in the making.

I’m not finished yet,

Ooo, when you see wounded, I see mended.

Oo, I see mended.

Woo, oo, I see mended.

I’m not finished yet,

When you see wounded, I see mended.