awkward

I’m at home, and I feel very awkward. Yesterday, the conversation was all about the restraunts people went to and how good the food was. I stayed out of the conversation. Then, they had my favorite meal from before I had my tube. It was lasagna with garlic bread. I just lay on the couch and pretended to be asleep. It was so hard. Just the smell alone was just…. But then, I thought of how sick the meal would make me, and yeah…. I’m fine when it’s one or two people eating in front of me, but when it’s a group, it’s overwhelmming… I also had to ask my little brother for help with pouring my formula into my bag, and I felt guilty doing it, because I thought I should be able to do this by myself!! I kinda felt like a failure… Then, my family told me my formula looked and smelled like baby formula and it looked and smelled disgusting. And I told them, well, it’s keeping me alive and left it at that.

Raych;

new diagnosis

I have to get an IV treatment every 6 months. I also have to take a liquid vitamin D suplement. Maybe Calcium as well. My doctor is also going to try and get me into home PT and she is going to try and see if my home nursing can be extended so my nurses can come once a week at least to help me look after my tube, as insurance only wants to approve them for 2 more weeks. Ugh!! I hate insurance.
I’m also being referred to an endocrinologist. I’m also getting my blood drawn this morning by my nurse.
Ray

tube feeding frustrations

Feeling frustrated. I was gaining weight, very but noweaI’m losing it again… My dietitian says that the 6 cartons of Vivonex 1.5 that I get a day should be enough to gain weight. If we have to increase it, I would have to increase my rate as I am already on 24 hour feeds. My GI had said that if I don’t gain weight in the next one to two months, I would have to go on TPN to get me over this initial hump. I hate this disease!

food the thing “i miss

You don’t realize how much food is a part of your life until you can no longer have it. I am thankful for my feeding tube, but I do miss food a lot! You would never know by looking at me that I have gastroparesis. I just want food!!

Ray

FROM MYRA TW FOOD

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HI, IT’S MYRA. I WISH I COULD EAT SOLID FOOD. I MISS IT SO MUCH. I MISS CHOCOLATE AND CHIPS AND ICE CREAM. IT JUST MAKES US SO SICK TO EAT IT. IT’S NOT FAIR. WHY DOES OUR BODY HAVE TO DO THIS TO US? WHY CAN’T WE JUST BE NORMAL? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO SO HARD? I’M STRUGGLING TO SEE HOW OUR BODY DOING THIS IS NOT LIKE THE TRAUMA WE WENT THROUGH. MY HEART HURTS FOR EMMIE AND HER PARTS TO. THEY ARE STRUGGLING SO MUCH WITH ALL OF THIS. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE?

MYRA

Thankful for my feeding tube

I am thankful for my feeding tube. It gives me nutrition. It gives me life. Without it, I would probably die. Chronic illness is a monster, but that tube gives me power. It gives me the power to live the best life I can live. It gives me the freedom to go where I want to go and do what I want to do. Gastroparesis will not defeat me. Maybe in the next 5 to 10 years, they will come out with a treatment that is covered by state insurances and is FDA approved, but until then, I am grateful for this tube. Yes, it may be uncomfortable. Yes, it may look weird to other people, but it’s my lifeline. Did I want this tube at 27 or at all? No, I didn’t, but I needed it to sustain my life. My stomach is almost completely paralyzed, but with this tube, I can live. Have a good day everyone. Thanks for reading.

Ray

our stomach issues TW medical from Myra

TW medical and trauma

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Hello everyone,
It’s Myra. 
We’ve had stomach issues since we were about 16. When we lived with our aunt when we were 17, we threw up after a lot of times when we ate. We were under a lot of stress, so I’m not surprised. I’m pretty suffe we’ve been dealing with gastroparesis since we were a child. We also found out that we may have reverse motility issues to, because at 4 hours of our gastric emptying  study, we had 82% ofthe food left in our stomach, but at 3 hours, there was 81% left which says our intestines don’t work as they should. We want to go to Cleveland clinic, but lack the fudding. Does anyone know a way we can do a fundraiser for medical needs? We just want answers!!! We just want some hope. 
I’m tired of feeling sick. thanks for reading.
Myra 

explaining to littles

How do I explain to my littles about chronic illness? How do I explain that it won’t ever go away or that we will always be in pain? How do I explain that I can’t make their pain go away? I’m just at a loss? And how will I explain when we have to get a feeding tube?

Ray