Will things ever get better?

Hi everyone,

I don’t even know where to start. This whole trying to get help in reaching out is beyond frustrated because everyone is saying there’s nothing they can do. Insurance is saying I don’t meet criteria, yet I continue to lose weight. The crisis center and other hospitals aren’t excepting us because of the complex medical issues the trauma and the visual impairment. I feel like I am complaining and then I shouldn’t do that. I was told by a very trusted friend that he didn’t believe in SR a. He said it was my reality but that he didn’t believe in it. I don’t even know where I can go for support anymore. The one hospital that will except us we cannot get to because no one is willing to drive us. We are such a burden that no one is willing to drive us 45 minutes to get the help we need actually maybe it is an hour and a half, but still! We just want help, is that too much to ask?

Ray

First therapy session with new psychologist

So we had our first session with the new psychologist earlier this afternoon, and it went really well. I am so thankful that I found him. I will call him Dr. V. He specializes in trauma-based issues including did, PTSD, eating disorders, and borderline personality disorder. He is very genuine and compassionate and just loves to help his clients to explore and find themselves. He is very present oriented but will delve into the past to unravel things as needed. He is very well versed in SR a and all that it entails. He is going to contact my local ER to make a crisis plan even if that means when we get in a crisis we go to the ER until the crisis passes, but we don’t always have to be hospitalized. He says that we do this when we know that we are going to act on a plan. He is willing to work with us on cooperation and communication as a System. Will do online therapy, and he takes all of his notes on his computer. This makes things easier because I know when he’s writing so I can give him a chance to finish taking his notes before I say something else. He is willing to let us contact him outside of therapy as long as what we have to say is important, like not talking about the weather or something like that. LOL he says that he knows that some of them on the inside will be resistant to therapy and he’s willing to work with that. He says he is committed to this as long as I am. He says he will work with the altars to increase communication. I am just so glad we fountain. We also have to tell our current therapist next Thursday that we have found someone else but that if that falls through to see if she would be willing to see us again, so not completely shut her out but as Dr. V said, give her an olive branch on the way out. I want to say thank you to all of the people who have read our blog. We have received 1000 likes on this blog since it was started almost 3 years ago.

Why I have been am I a

Hi everyone,

So the reason I have been am I a is because we have been in the hospital for the last four days. Was told there that they could not help and that we needed more long-term treatment outpatient. Still looking for eating disorder treatment and therapists who specialize in dissociative issues, but still no luck. Going to keep trying though some of the nurses there were less than professional. For example, one day I asked them to check my heart rate, and it was 161 when I was standing up, so I want to get another nurse, and when she came in she listened to my heart and said that it was 82. I told her that my heart rate does not go down when I stand up especially by half, and she said, “well it is 82 and that is what I’m charging it as because I’m the professional. “I hate people who use their power of being a professional know to take power over someone else. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and then an appointment with my primary care provider on Thursday. Hoping that the homemaker can start soon so that we can get this house straightened up. I’m also going shopping with my caseworker on Friday. Spoke to the national eating association, and they told me that really the only treatment facility they found was an IOP program in Peoria.

Good news about doctors and insurance therapy update and psychiatrist stuff

So, my doctor has agreed to see me even with my current insurance. they’re going to do this until either they get contracted to take my insurance or until I switch plans. This is really good news as it will allow me to stick with a Doctor Who understands my needs and complexities. I have a psychiatrist appointment this afternoon, and the clinic is writing off the cost of this appointment because of the insurance situation. Also, my therapist told me that I’m just going to have to learn to use the resources that I do have in regards to my eating disorder, and she also told me to ask the psychiatrist when I go to see them today about ways that I can go about getting further evaluated for the dissociative issues because she said she is not qualified to do those evaluations. I asked her what I was supposed to do if it got to a point where things are medically unstable and I needed more than just inpatient treatment, and she said that I was just going to have to get medically stable and then work with the other stuff on an outpatient basis. I just don’t want things to go downhill and then I not have the support that I need to properly deal with things and then end up going back into a relapse. The other thing that has me worried is that the medication I am on currently is not working like I think it should. One reason for this I think, is because the medication is not out an effective dose to make a lot of a difference. Also, the medication I am on for anxiety is not working. I’m going to talk to the psychiatrist today and see if there’s anything you can do in regards to that. I know they cannot give me anything that is lethal because of the risk of either me or the other alters overdosing on the medication. I know that the borderline personality disorder poses a risk and is a barrier to me actually getting what might help in treatment. I have an appointment in a few hours with my primary care provider because in order to fill the prescription for the ensure that she wrote, I have to have an a valuation by her which she then submits to the durable medical equipment supply store so that they can determine whether they will fill the prescription or not. Ivan have an appointment this afternoon with my psychiatrist to discuss what we are going to do after he leaves. I hope that they don’t have a weight requirement for the ensure prescription to be filled. Also, tomorrow morning my caseworker is taking me shopping, and then after that I am meeting with the care coordinator from my insurance company to do the paperwork so that we can get homemaker services started. She said those it should be started by the end of next week and that I should get roughly 20 hours per week. Also, in therapy yesterday, we discussed on the service reasons for why are use my eating disorder as a coping mechanism. It’s because I feel like so many things are out of my control and it is one way that I can control things. I hope this all makes sense, and thanks for reading.

Ray

Meeting with my caseworker

Hi everyone,

So I had my meeting with my caseworker Sarah today. We went over my goals for her being with me and we also went over my treatment plan. She says she is going to read some books about dissociative issues. We also signed a release at my former psychiatrists office so that my insurance will authorize transportation for me to go to my appointments. The amazing thing is that she has worked with someone with a visual impairment before so she knows what it’s like and how to handle things. She even understands eating disorders and how hard it is for me to do things. She also doesn’t agree that the whole heart thing is normal like the electrophysiologist said it was. She’s not the only one. Other doctors are saying the same thing. Overall it was a very good meeting. We gave her peanut butter fudge and chocolate chip cookies that we had made.

Ray

Got myself some gifts

So, I got some new things for myself for Christmas. I got an iPod touch which is blue, I got some PJ pants and some fuzzy socks. I am so happy with these things. I know the kids will enjoy them.

Ray

Living independently? And Therapy?

Hi everyone,

So everyone told us that we could live independently, well myself, Rayette, I think you know what I mean. Well anyway, they told us this, and I believed it, but now I’m not so sure. The agencies that were supposed to help can’t. The living independent living center told me that they couldn’t provide the adaptive equipment that I needed until I was 65 because I didn’t qualify for the bureau of blind services program. My caseworker is less than reliable because she supposed to take me to doctors appointments and what not, but after my appointment, I have to find a ride home, because I get out of the appointment and find that she has left. Also when she makes appointments to meet with me she cancels at the last minute or calls me and tells me that she can’t come, or she comes and then tells me that she can only stay for a few minutes when I was prepared with a lot of information to give her or had a lot to talk to her about. The services coordinator of the apartment building that I live in was frustrated because she had to come in before she left for work to help me label my microwave so I could use it. I’ve had to resort to online 30 which I pay for out-of-pocket because my insurance won’t cover the therapy that I need. I get a medical reduction for this from the department of human services for my food stamps benefits, but I was supposed to have a live session with my therapist tonight, and I messaged her and she never replied so the session never happened. I’ve had to resort to online therapy sorry for the mistake, I’m using dictation on my phone.

Sadness frustration and struggles

So, we are all feeling very alone tonight. The agencies that were supposed to help us or letting us down. We had to find alternative therapy because the therapist that is they set us up with when we were in the hospital knows nothing about our condition. That therapist doesn’t know anything about trauma. The agency that could help us with independent living can’t because I’m not over 65 but I’m over 18. I just don’t understand. Having trouble managing Mantz by myself, because it’s like someone else takes over before it’s time to take them and we end up missing doses. That’s not good, because I take Depakote, and if the blood level of that medication gets too low, that’s just not a good thing. My psychiatrist saw me last Wednesday, and he’s not seeing me again until 31 October. My therapy is online, so I hope this works. My caseworker is an exactly reliable. One of my teachers was texting me the other day and she asked me well isn’t this what you wanted to live on your own, but she was talking from a person with a visual impairments point of you. She doesn’t know what it’s like to live with mental illness and a visual impairment. If anyone has any tips they would be greatly appreciated. I’m so tired but can’t sleep go to sleep or I’m too afraid to go to sleep because of the nightmares. They’re just getting more and more vivid. I woke up this morning and it wasn’t me who was out. I came out around noon because I heard the crockpot boiling and it brought me back to myself. So that was kind of scary.