Sadness frustration and struggles

So, we are all feeling very alone tonight. The agencies that were supposed to help us or letting us down. We had to find alternative therapy because the therapist that is they set us up with when we were in the hospital knows nothing about our condition. That therapist doesn’t know anything about trauma. The agency that could help us with independent living can’t because I’m not over 65 but I’m over 18. I just don’t understand. Having trouble managing Mantz by myself, because it’s like someone else takes over before it’s time to take them and we end up missing doses. That’s not good, because I take Depakote, and if the blood level of that medication gets too low, that’s just not a good thing. My psychiatrist saw me last Wednesday, and he’s not seeing me again until 31 October. My therapy is online, so I hope this works. My caseworker is an exactly reliable. One of my teachers was texting me the other day and she asked me well isn’t this what you wanted to live on your own, but she was talking from a person with a visual impairments point of you. She doesn’t know what it’s like to live with mental illness and a visual impairment. If anyone has any tips they would be greatly appreciated. I’m so tired but can’t sleep go to sleep or I’m too afraid to go to sleep because of the nightmares. They’re just getting more and more vivid. I woke up this morning and it wasn’t me who was out. I came out around noon because I heard the crockpot boiling and it brought me back to myself. So that was kind of scary.

downgraded my blog

So, I had to downgrade my blog… Ended up spending more money than I intended on spending. I have almost 130 followers on my blog!!!!! Keep the follows coming!!!!

Monday ramblings 

so, I had to ask God for forgiveness because I went through a phase where I said I didn’t believe in him. The thing about borderline personality disorder, is that my beliefs and thoughts can change in an instant. 

feeling lonely!!!!

I’m feeling like I’m the only one with DID. I know it’s not true, but it feels so lonely right now. Anyone available to talk? If so, you can email me at rayette.rucker23@gmail.com. I could really use a friend right now. Trying to make it through this rough patch.

today’s update

So, I ate three bites of everything on my plate today at breakfast and lunch. My eating disorder is winning. I don’t know what to do. I’m slowly losing hope. Not sure where to turn. People tell me I look pretty but I don’t believe them. I see fat when I “Look” at myself (as I am blind). I can’t really see myself. I look ugly. At least, that’s what my eating disorder voice says.

update for tonight

Having a pretty okay dalbany care becaue of the self harming behaviors. I’m moving back in with my foster mom to go back to school and get on with my life. I will be paying her rent to live there. I will get counseling and psychiatry in my area. That’s about it for now.ayso far. I didn’t get accepted to 

update

So I spoke with the main staff at my group home, and she said that I needed a higher level of care. On Tuesday, we are going to contact albany care to see if they got my referral. I don’t think she was happy that I had to leave the group  home. I hope I can get in. A former vision teacher of mine said she might be able to take me to the place since otherwise, i  would have to take the Mega Bus or amtrak. If I took amtrak, I would have to pay $45 extra for the rest of my luggage. I hope this all works out, and at least at albany care, I will have mopre staff to talk to.