email to Lily

Hi Lily,

We want to do therapy the right way. But is there really a “right” way to do therapy? We want to heal, but we also don’t want to put ourselves in an even worse place. we know we are not at the right level of care. I mean, an ED therapist couldn’t even work with us because we need a higher level of care. We don’t want to do things the wrong way, but is right now the right time to be processing trauma? I can barely think to even get this out on paper to try and explain some of our fears. We have no crisis plan if something were to go wrong. No matter which way you look at it, there is no place that will take us because we are to much of a liability. We just want to heal, but it seems the medical system and healthcare system is totally against us!!! Sorry for ranting..
Ray 

Just because you’re on vacation TW trauma

Trigger warning: trauma 

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Just because we’re on vacation, doesn’t mean our trauma stuff stops. We shared a link that someone else on Facebook shared, and it was about child abuse, spacifically that a 13-ear-old girl had died giving birth to her father’s child. I posted about it to spread awareness. Of child abuse, and someone commented on the post telling me to take a break, that i was on vacation, and if she were on vacation, she wouldn’t post about such topics. Ugh!!! This person always likes to start drama no matter what i post. So frustrating. And other proof that your problems don’t just disappear when you’re on vacation, my heart rate was 143 when i got out of the shower even though i took my med before i got in the shower. So just because you’re on vacation, doesn’t mean your problems go away. Enough said. Rant over.
Dilia

going to California

Hello everybody,

So today we are going to California to visit a friend. So so excited!!! Yay!! Can’t wait!! Our flight leaves at 7:20 this morning!! Yay!! Have to get up in about 45 minutes to get ready to leave. So an early morning. We are all packed and ready to go. We are taking our MacBook Air with us for editing videos that we will be recording there. So so excited!

Ray

from Lilianna food TW

Trigger warning: foodt
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hi everyone, i hate food, it causes me so much pain. i hate it i hate it. i hate being in so much pain physically. i hate our achy joints. i feel like my body is punnishing me for doing what im supposed to, which is eat. ugh!!!
Lilianna

from Miranda

Hi, it’s Miranda. I’m 16. I don’t like being in pain. i hate it so so much. pain makes me feel sick. ugh!!!! why do i have to b in pain? 

Miranda

from Lilianna a teen part TW

Trigger warning: trauma and PTSD

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Hi its Lilianna. im 13. i hate trauma. i hate remembering. i hate flashbacks. i know we need to weigh more. i know we are to thin. i dont know how to help with stuff. i am just not sure how to stay out of the memories. 

Lilianna

Hi from Brianna

Trigger warning: anorexia and trauma

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Hi its Brianna. i am one in the system who struggles with anorexia. i hate food. i hate gaining weight. i don’t want to be bigger. eating brings back memories for me. i went without food for a few days and weeks at a time when we were younger. when the body was 15, i was the one who dealt with food. i got in trouble for going to events and eating “to much” for my grandparents’ approval. we were at church, which is another trigger for some of us, and if we ate a brownie that was to big, we got beat when we got home. so, yeah, food is not in a good mindset for me. 

Oh, and did i mention treatment centers that encourage restriction? Yeah, when we were at Linden Oaks, we were told that we couldn’t have a brownie because it went over by two exchanges for our meal plan, instead of one. I don’t understand why treatment centers who want people with anorexia to eat more are encouraging people to restrict. that annoys me to no end!! Rant over. Thanks for reading.

Brianna

Ciella in therapy

Hi everyone,

It’s Ciella.

So Friday in therapy, Lily was talking to me on Zoom, a video conferencing platform, and she saw our shirt, and she thought it said allergic to Mommys, but it said allergic to mornings. I pointed this out to her, and she said, “well, guess I have bad eyesight,” and I said, “not as bad as mine.” We laughed for like 5 minutes straight. It was hilarious. We love her so much!

Just thought you could use a laugh for the day. 😊

from Emmie TW eating issues

TW eating issues

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Hi its Emmie. I hate food. I hate eating. I hate what it does to my body. I hate the memories of the stuff that was done to me. I want the body to look like me, like a 12-year-old. I don’t want to lose weight to be thin, I want the memories to stop. I don’t think I deserve food. What was done to me, hurts… like crazy… the memories are a lot. Ugh!! Do people get this? It’s not an eating disorder, it’s a trauma symptom. Maybe im overthinking this.

Emmie