JUST MY THOUGHTS

HI EVERYBODY,

IT’S AMILIA. I WISH I COULD SPEAK, BUT I CAN’T. I’M LISTENING OT A SONG CALLED SPEECHLESS. IT TALKS ABOUT NOT BEING SPEECHLESS ABOUT THINGS WE’VE BEEN THROUGH. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO TELL MY STORY SOME DAY I MEAN ACTUALLY SPEAK IT. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO HELP OTHER TEENS IN MY SITUATION WHETHER THEY BE INSIDERS IN OTHER’S SYSTEMS OR OTHER OUTSIDE TEENS. I’M 16 BUT FEEL MUCH OLDER THAN MY SIXTEEN YEARS. I’M JUST SADDENED THAT WE CAN’T GET THE HELP WE NEED AND MAYBE NEVER WILL. WWE WANT HELP, BUT CAN’T GET IT. IT’S SAD.

AMILIA

from emmie TW eating disorder

trigger warning: eating disorder

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

not eating makes me feel safe. i dont know why but it does. We were only allowed to have a certain number of calories growing up and now i freak out when we go over that amount, it’s like its a PTSD trigger… not sure if this makes sense.

i dont eat so i dont remember. i know the others eat but then i feel guilty cause i use laxatives… i feel like such a failure. i just wanna do things 12 year olds do. Why? Why me?

Emmie

frum Amithyst

hi it me Amithyst. i be hapy taday. i lik the computer. it be fun. i wan candy but we not have any. we hav lemon cooky but it be yucky!! me no lik it. me lik da music we play on da speaker thingy. how evrone be taday?

Amithyst 6

hopeful update about the appeal

So got an email from Megan yesterday, and it said.. they will be sending a draft of their appeal letter to their supervisor and finalizing it, and then they will send us a copy. God, i hope this appeal goes through and we finally get treatment.. Should know something by Monday or Tuesday if they got the appeal and then the hearing has to be scheduled with the state. That could take a few months, but hope not!! we just need a break!! i hope against all hopes and odds that we will finally get the help we need!! 

Ray

why me? *tw*

*triggers talk of ritual abuse*

T

T

T

T

T

T

T

T

T

Why was I allowed to escape? Why weren’t the other kids allowed to be free? Why did they have to die or continue to be programmed? Why just why??? Why did we have to kill those children? Why did we have to do those horrible things? I feel so guilty!!!

Ray

Always live to inspire.

an email i sent Lily

Hi Lily,

ive been out all day for the most part except for when the other people were here. Jennifer and Ashley were their names i think. Ray got upset and we had to go to our room as i came out and didn’t want to be found out. we are made as to not be noticed. i know we need help, but they’re not doing anything. if we don’t get help, i fear we will die… sad, but true… we are so very very tired.

Katie 16

frum Mira

hi im so so sad so very very sad. i wan a mommy. i want sumone to hug

me and tel me it wil be ok.. jus need a hug.

Mira