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Psychiatrist report

So we got the psychiatrist report from when we saw the new psychiatrist on the 30th, the one that we had waited three months to see. He said D ID was BPD and that we needed dialectical behavior therapy. He also wrote that I had histrionic features and that I am being noncompliant with the treatment regimen because I do not want medication. He’s not seeing me anymore. He also doesn’t show any hope in me getting treatment for my eating disorder. If any of you would like the report, I can forward it to you. He is also under the impression that I said I did not want medication for my pots.
Rey

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food, no!!!! *tw*

its emmie. i dont want food. i want to be thinner. i just want someone to see me and actually care, like a doctor. im trying, but its just so hard. i cant stop!!! i need to not eat. Do you understand? am i alone? i just want help. i hate this!!!

Emmie

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WHAT THE HELL DO I HAVE TO Do TO GET TREATMENT??

what do i have to do to get treatment? we went to the new psychiatrist, and he basically said that he couldn’t help us. He also said that DID is just exaggerated BPD. he said that meds won’t help me and recommended that I continue to meet with my therapist and he’s not seeing us anymore. so much for providers actually listening to us!!! i mean, some of my providers have said that if i don’t get treatment, I will die! they don’t care!!

Ray

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fat *tw*

im so fat!! i hate myself. im so disgusting. i want to keep decreasing my calories. i hate this!! i want to recover, but people notice this body now that they say we’re thin… im not though… im fat!!!

Emmie

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not ok *tw* ED and weight and suicide

hi its emmie. i dont want to do this anymore. i hate the food. i just cant!!! i wouldn’t mind getting down to 85 pounds or even 80. We’re already 92. or maybe we should just cram our mouth full and risk the refeeding thing. since the insurance or doctors don’t care anyway. just feeling low.

Emmie

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why DO I HAVE TO SUFFER?

*Trigger* mentions weight

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why do we have to continue to suffer? i dont know. all i know is 20% of anorexics die!!! one person dies every 62 minutes from an eating disorder. I’m 76% of my ideal body weight. what more does my body have to go through? why do my issues be so complex? my issues are keeping me from getting into treatment!!! i just hate this!!! sometimes, i dont care and just want to end my suffering! my heart rate has gotten as low as 43 and as high as 159, and no, i wasnt excercising. what the hell do i have to do to get the help i need?

i cant just go to the ER for fluids because of malnourishment because if i go to the ER, they bollis a liter of fluids in an hour which can cause heart failure. and i cant eat what i’m supposed to to gain weight, because of the risk of refeeding syndrome which can be fatal!! i really feel like i’m in a lot of catch 22s. Like what am i supposed to do? I have lost 80 pounds in the last year!!! i’m just so damn lost!!!

Ray

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My day yesterday and possible legal action

Hello everyone,
So yesterday I called River oaks to ask them if we could do the appeal, and they said they could not because they’re Dr. house to do a peer to peer with meridians medical director, and this cannot be done because they’re Dr. has not seen me. I then called (Meridian) to inquire about other methods, and they said I could not do the appeal that the facility had two. They said we had to do it by today which is not possible. Somehow they have it in their records that I was discharged from river oaks. I don’t know how that is because I have never been there. I contacted an organization called equip for a quality and then working with an advocate named Megan. I told her what my BMI was and how I was being treated by the medical system, and she was shocked. I’m going to see a new primary care provider this morning in about an hour, and hoping that goes well. Maybe she can do the appeal? I’m not sure though, but I can only hope at this point. I am pretty sure we are going to have to sue meridians/Medicaid. Hope everyone has a good day.
Ray
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Therapy yesterday

So we had therapy yesterday. We were exhausted when we got home so went right to sleep afterward. We discussed a lot. have most of the session, and then Emmie had some of it to. I talked about how there’s only so long that we can be expected to be strong, and how that I felt like we were being retraumatised again by the insurance company because it felt like they had all the control. It feels like they are dictating our lives. I was so overwhelmed. Lily introduced us to theraplay. It’s a technique that helps me and other parts get the care we never got as children. It helps us experience what a true attachment is supposed to be. You use things like objects to stemulate the senses. It’s pretty cool. Also, things like good toutching and pressure touch using lotion to show what a good touch is. It was a good session.

Ray
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Doctor’s appointment and therapy yesterday *tw* sexual abuse

Hello everyone,
So yesterday I went to see Dr. Dynda, and he said that from a medical standpoint everything was fine as my vitamin D went up by three points. He said your weight is stable it’s above 90 pounds at least it’s not 80 or 70 pounds. He seen me in three months. He also told me that we have to restart this entire process of trying to get into River Oaks. What has all this work done for for the last year? Has it been for nothing? I just feel like everyone spinning their wheels because no one knows what to do.
Also talked to Lily on the phone yesterday and we talked about the sexual assaults that we suffered as an adult. I thought I was ready to tell her about them so I forced myself to, but that was not a good idea. I am some of the others are in flashback land. It’s not good. My doctor also wants me to go to my psychiatrist appointment today, but here’s the psychiatrist who said he does not believe we meet criteria for anything that we’ve been diagnosed with. I cannot knowingly go to someone who is not going to believe what I say. So I’m not going. The doctor did say that if I don’t go it would not look good on my insurance. He said it would look like I am not complying with the treatment they are willing to cover.*Sarcasm*
Today we are meeting with Sarrah for a two hour mental health assessment review. Sara is our caseworker. I think Amelia is going to write her a letter or something I’m not entirely sure what’s going on with that, but there’s really nothing Sara can do. If the insurance won’t pay for the treatment we need, we can’t force them.
Ray
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? Not a good enough anorexic? not sick enough?

Going to the doctor in a little bit, and I know I have gained weight. My fear is that he is going to say I am not sick enough for treatment because I gained 2 pounds. I just wish this were easier for us to handle. I hope we are able to get into river oaks. I know I need treatment, but I still can’t help feeling that I’m not sick enough that I don’t deserve it.

Ray