Trigger warning eating disorder late night thoughts

Trigger warning: eating disorder tttttHello everyone,So just having some late night thoughts. Just thinking about treatment, and how it’s not even been a month yet, and we’re already struggling and almost back to pre-inpatient weight. I feel like a failure.. i know recovery is not leniar, but i still feel like i should have been able to keep things together longer than 3 weeks. i just feel like i didn’t try hard enough. i feel like i’m failing at recovery. this is just so hard. if we have to go back to inpatient, none of our issues will be addressed and we will end up in this same situation when we get back home. I’m just getting tired of this cycle. i just want to recover!!! Ugh!!! i hate anorexia. we’ve had it for 19 years!!! They say recovery is harder after 7 years of the illness. Why do things have to be so hard??Ray

Linden Oaks excepted

Linden Oaks excepted us! We are waiting on my insurance to hopefully do a single case agreement. We are still hoping this actually works. It is the only facility in our state that has excepted us.

Ray

Update on how we are doing trigger warning talk of eating disorder

Trigger warning

So, we went to our dietitian appointment today, and our dietitian has said she is cutting our appointments to half an hour instead of a whole hour because there is nothing she can really do because our eating disorder is so ingrained. We were in the car earlier with one of the drivers from our insurance company, and she asked me why I needed a dietitian because I am not very big. I then told her I was anorexic, and she said she wished she was anorexic. I’ve been told her that anorexia is not a lifestyle choice. I don’t think she realized the implications of her comment, but she still shouldn’t have said anything. We still have no updates from the insurance company, and I am refusing to call my care coordinator anymore because every time I call her she has no new information. So we are playing the hurry up and wait game. It’s very frustrating. We are doing the best we can with what we have. We thank all of you for your ongoing and continued support love and patience.
Ray

anorexia thoughts *TW*

Anorexia says no food, but food is fuel.

Anorexia says I’m fat, but I’m not.

Anorexia says I’m not sick enough, but I am.

Anorexia says I’m not deserving of treatment, but I am.

Ray

Always live to inspire.

At the ER again…

So we are at the ER again for psych. I just don’t understand why my insurance has to be so damn stupid!!! This is. Continuous cycle that needs to stop!!! We’re not really fixing the issue. We’re just glossing over it with a temporary band-aid.

Ray

update from insurance company or not?

so our care coordinator called us yesterday to "give us an update" but it wasn’t much of an update. she said they have to contact UIC to see if teh admission is possible. she couldn’t tell me what doctors would be involved, what unit I would be admitted to, how long the admission would be, or what the assessment would entail. Basically, i have no more information now then when we had the meeting on Friday. I’m just beyond frustrated.

Also, my dietitian is saying we need to figure out something for the shourt term for now, but it’s like putting a Band-Aid over the situation. it’s setting us up for failure. I don’t even want to argue with my care coordinator anymore, and if i had my way, we wouldn’t be talking to her anymore. Sorry for the rant.

Ray

going home for Christmas

Hello everyone,

So we’re going home for Christmas. We hope it goes well. We are taking a few supplement drinks with us. Wish us luck. Have a happy Christmas everyone!!!

Ray