a breakthrough!!!

so i have really good news!!! we’re very highly likely going to be going to be going to Aloria Health to go to treatment for the eating disorder. we’re filling out an application for Project Heal today and have already done the intake and hopx to hear back from Aloria today as to if we got in or not. Also, we get to keep our Social Security benefits and sece it’s not being paid for by insurance, there isn’t a limit on how long we get to stay there. i just have to go today to the indccpendent living center so someone can help us fill out the applicaity. Has anyone ever been to Aloria? What was your experience? So excited to start my recovery journey!!

Ray

Just had therapy

So, we just had therapy. We discussed the fact that even through everything that I or the others have done to try and kill the body, we are still alive. He told me that I need to acknowledge that I and others, (thghgh sometimes not everybody) have the will to keep fighting and that we are still surviving after everything we’ve been through. He also said that we can’t expect professionals who haven’t been helpful in the past to suddenly change and do what they’re supposed to do. He the is so much stigma and that we’re not going to erase it all. He wants me to draft a document that we have made as a plan so that if we have to go to the ER we can show it to the doctors. He encouraged me that I would prevail and that recovery has its ups and downs. He says that no one is perfect and I can’t hold myself to standards that are to high for me to meet. He wants me to make a daily goal in regards to the eating, but if I don’t meet it, he wants me to accept it for what it is. He says we take each day as it comes.

Ray

EATING DISORDER RECOVERY TIPS

Get rid of the scale!!!

You are not defined by the number on the scale. You are much more than that. I understand if you are trying to lose weight for health reasons, but you dont need to do it unhealthily.

Find someone you can talk to.

Having someone to talk to really helps me to know that I’m not alone. By the way, if anyone needs to talk, I’m here. You can email me at

rayetteddruckerblebc%gmail.com

Reach out for help!!

You want to nip an ED in the butt before it destroys you. I know an ED is all about control, but you want to take control of it before it takes control of you. I’ve been dealing with an ED for the last 17 years.

Join a support group.

I’m still learning to accept these tips myself, and I know there will be days when I struggle, but we all can overcome this. You are beautiful just the way you are. I believe in you. From no one else does, just remember my blog and that I believe in you. Stay strong and keep fighting no matter how hard it gets. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just felt like someone needed to hear that. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Ray

a song for all survivors of abuse and others to

Here’s a song that made me think of all survivors, and people with mental illness (eating disorders, dissociative disorders and PTSD)

She holds her dear life to the end of the sleeves in her hands

Covering up lies that she wrote with a razor sharp pen

But the steel of the blade

Is no match for the pain

Of the loneliness she’s going through

But we’ve all been there to.

Praise God we don’t have to hide scars

They just strengthen our wounds

And they soften our hearts

They remind us of where we have been

But not who we are

Praise God

Praise God

We don’t have to hide scars.

This song made me think of all survivors. 😊

Ray

poetry

I feel like a ship tossed to and fro.

Pushed out to sea and pulled back in again.

Just feel like I’m a pawn in a game of tug of war.

Just feels like a fight I will never win.

Just feel like the darkness will engulf me alive,

And that I will never get the chance to just heal and thrive.

the correct email to my team

I appreciate all of what you all do for us. The DID diagnosis was confirmed in therapy session on Wednesday. I know I may be difficult at times to deal with, but I want you to know that we’re trying. I’m fighting for the survival of this body and fighting for the chance to heal from my past. I need to know all of what happened to me so that I can heal from it. This may take a very long time to do, but even through the hard times, I need all of you to be there for us. If we do attempt suicide or self-harm, it’s not for attention. It’s because the pain we’re in is to great to live with. I wish that could be communicated to the ospital as well. They don’t understand DID at all. It’s going to take a lot of time and hard work, but I know some day, we will heal. Even if we fail, we will keep trying. There may be days where we want to give up, but you have to encourage us to keep going no matter how much we may not want to do it. If that means you have to put us somewhere to keep us safe, then that is what that means. No matter how much we resist, you have to keep pushing. There are some inside who don’t want to keep going or live, and they need to be worked with. We know we are a xomplex system, but with time and compassionate people, we can learn to work as a team.

Please forward this to everyone on the team.