why DO I HAVE TO SUFFER?

*Trigger* mentions weight

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why do we have to continue to suffer? i dont know. all i know is 20% of anorexics die!!! one person dies every 62 minutes from an eating disorder. I’m 76% of my ideal body weight. what more does my body have to go through? why do my issues be so complex? my issues are keeping me from getting into treatment!!! i just hate this!!! sometimes, i dont care and just want to end my suffering! my heart rate has gotten as low as 43 and as high as 159, and no, i wasnt excercising. what the hell do i have to do to get the help i need?

i cant just go to the ER for fluids because of malnourishment because if i go to the ER, they bollis a liter of fluids in an hour which can cause heart failure. and i cant eat what i’m supposed to to gain weight, because of the risk of refeeding syndrome which can be fatal!! i really feel like i’m in a lot of catch 22s. Like what am i supposed to do? I have lost 80 pounds in the last year!!! i’m just so damn lost!!!

Ray

Intake with eating disorders therapist

So, we had an intake with an eating disorder therapist at the weight loss and wellness center. Apparently they have an eating disorder’s team. I’m supposed to see her every two weeks. I am seeing the dietitian there this coming Friday, and after that the clinical team will discuss the case to see what needs to be done from here. The therapist did say that inpatient would be ideal right now considering everything we have going on. Will keep you posted.

Ray