So we don’t have a therapist or a primary care provider. Was supposed to see the psychiatrist on the 18th which was my birthday, but got there and found out he was out sick. They said they tried to call me but they had the wrong phone number. Getting a new primary care provider on 13 August. The electrophysiologist we had left the practice so know how to see someone else so cannot get medications raised until we see him. How do you go to the ER this past Sunday to get fluids because blood pressure was 78/35. Yesterday morning it was 72/27 but I can’t go to the ER every time it’s low. Just wish this craziness with Stup. So basically right now for support we just have our dietitian and another lady who is helping us through an organization called beauty after bruises. Every therapist I have tried to call has said that there are either too far away, can’t work with my insurance, or didn’t think they could work with my issues because they are so complex. Because I have postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, the anorexia does not make that any better, but how am I supposed to get treatment when no one wants to work with my insurance and my insurance doesn’t want to pay for the programs that can help!
so just found out that after all these years, insurance doesn’t even have all my diagnoses listed. They don’t even have PTSD. i basically have to be re-evaluated for everything!! just feel like ing crazy!!! i want out!!! i cant do this!!! this with the news that we got from our dietitian today, just to much!!!Ray
So the insurance company has denied the prior authorization for river oaks in Louisiana. They say that there is not enough clinical information in the authorization for them to approve it. I am going to have to ask my psychiatrist to send in an authorization which is another one for them to approve or deny. If they deny this one, then we don’t have anywhere else to turn. We don’t have anywhere to go if we are not feeling safe at his new place is more except us at all. Spoke to my therapist earlier, and she got frustrated with me because our conversation was more than five minutes long. Also tried calling back a few minutes ago to speak with another case manager, and the receptionist said you know they’re busy they have other clients. I just don’t see how these people got their job to begin with with the abrasiveness of their attitudes.
So, how is everyone doing today? We’re doing ok today. Still feeling suicidal though, but we’ll have to make the best of it. Have to fake it till we make it. All I know is that I can’t keep going like this. We’re continuing to lose weight. Not sure how much longer I can keep doing this. I just feel so alone. I could really use a friend. Just feeling really defeated. I want to cut. I’ve never done that before. T’i always been Amilia. Not sure why I want to do it. Does this mean I’m a failure? I hate myself. I don’t want to live. My mood is all over the place. I hate this. I hope this insurance says yes. I really really hope they do.
So just had a long talk with the care coordinator whose over behavioral health for my insurance. She told me that residential definitely wasn’t an option, and she also said that if inpatient ED treatment was need that it wasn’t covered either. She’s concerned about the amount of re losing, but the things she could recommend were outpatient. She wants my team to all have a conference call to discuss the future of my treatment. I told her I would do my best to work with them even though they keep blowing us off. She said we needed to focus on the ED right now and the other stuff later. I guess that’s going to have to work for now. Every time something comes up in therapy about dissociation or an alter comes out to talk, my therapist is litterally speechless. I just feel like I’m running into briak walls everywhere we turn. I mean, heck, even my PCP said I wasn’t sick enough for treatment. So if oupatient doesn’t work, we’re screwed. I don’t even know what to say anymore.
Went to the cardiologists today and they said I could have one of three things postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, orthostatic hypotension, or inappropriate sinus tachycardia. We have to have an echocardiogram done and we also have to see an electrophysiologist. I looked up what that kind of doctor is and it freaks me out. The doctor told me to stay hydrated taking extra salt and if my heart rate stayed above 130 even after sitting down for longer than 15 minutes I’m supposed to go to the ER for medical attention. They wanted to put a 21-day bodyguardian monitor on me, but my stupid freaking Medicaid wouldn’t cover it. They also want me to wear compression socks.
In the last two months I have gone from 153 pounds to 119 pounds and I am 5‘3“ tall. I don’t want to admit it, but I think this is an eating disorder relapse. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before in my blog, but I struggled with anorexia for a total of 10 years. My caseworker just attributes the weight-loss to stress and depression, but she even told me that if it gets to the point where I am obsessing over calories and have a fear of gaining weight that that’s when it becomes a problem and a disorder. I don’t think this living on my own thing is working out as well as I hoped it would. I just need more support than what I can provide for myself. I was told by my therapist at the center against sexual assault that I needed to go to and more intensive therapy or residential place, but Medicaid doesn’t pay for residential, so I’m kind of out of luck there. If anyone has any resources on Medicaid and eating disorder treatment, please let me know.