It whirlwind of craziness and frustration

Hi everyone,

So we don’t have a therapist or a primary care provider. Was supposed to see the psychiatrist on the 18th which was my birthday, but got there and found out he was out sick. They said they tried to call me but they had the wrong phone number. Getting a new primary care provider on 13 August. The electrophysiologist we had left the practice so know how to see someone else so cannot get medications raised until we see him. How do you go to the ER this past Sunday to get fluids because blood pressure was 78/35. Yesterday morning it was 72/27 but I can’t go to the ER every time it’s low. Just wish this craziness with Stup. So basically right now for support we just have our dietitian and another lady who is helping us through an organization called beauty after bruises. Every therapist I have tried to call has said that there are either too far away, can’t work with my insurance, or didn’t think they could work with my issues because they are so complex. Because I have postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, the anorexia does not make that any better, but how am I supposed to get treatment when no one wants to work with my insurance and my insurance doesn’t want to pay for the programs that can help!

Ray

Productive electrophysiologist appointment yay!

so today we saw the electrophysiologist. It was a very productive appointment. He’s starting me on Floren f. It’s a medication to help retain salt and water to help with the blood pressure. He also wants me to see an Ehlers Danlos syndrome specialist. He’s taking labs in like 3 weeks to check my electrolyte levels. i have to try the dose I’m starting on for a month, and if that doesn’t work, then we will raise the dose. Then we give that another month to see if it works. If it doesn’t, then we either try a med called Midadrine or do a tilt table test. I’m going back to see him in three months. He said the ED played a part in this. He said I most likely had POTS. He doesn’t know why I’m going to a neurologist. I now have to find an EDS specialist who takes Medicaid. Let the hunt begin!!! oh boy. Ray

Dark Place

I’m not ok. Dr. Bland took us off all meds. No one will help us. Our team isn’t answering my calls or returning them. I’m not sure what to do. I can’t go to the ER. They send us home even after suicide attempts. They don’t care.

Trigger Warning:

I now weigh 99 pounds. I’m 5 ft. 4. I just can’t do this anymore!!!

Ray

Good riddance to our former psychiatrist

So we had our last appointment with our now former psychiatrist yesterday because he is leaving, and thank God. He had told us before that he was going to prescribe 3 months worth of medication, but he is now only giving us one month supply. Also, I asked him when or if you knew anyone we could get evaluated for the dissociative issues, and he said that he didn’t know anyone who believed it actually existed. Plus, he said that he did not believe it did existed at all. He said it was just a figment of people’s imagine imaginations. I said how can he not believe something that is in the DSM? He is such a fucking jerk. Sorry for the language, but this angers me to no end. I should report him to the board. in other news, my PCP is referring me to someone she knows who treats pots. This is really good news as hopefully it will give me some answers combined with the second opinion Cardiology appointment that we have coming up on the 29th. Also, she has given me an assignment to take in at least 750 calories per day. I’m hoping I can do this. It’s going to be really hard, but I’m going to try. I’m supposed to go back to see her in 2 weeks to see if my weight has changed, and if it has dropped, we’re going to have to do something different. I am now down to 115 lbs. Later this morning, my caseworker is coming to take me shopping, and then after that the care coordinator from our insurance company is coming to do the paperwork for Homemaker Services which should be starting by the end of next week. She said that we should get roughly 20 hours per week. This is good news. Also, rpcp said that she knows a psychiatrist who might be willing to take us on as a patient. She just has to talk to her, but she says she can be pretty convincing. Given the situation with the insurance and the medication stuff, I don’t think it should be a problem, but we’ll see. I hope everything works out.
Ray

Good news about doctors and insurance therapy update and psychiatrist stuff

So, my doctor has agreed to see me even with my current insurance. they’re going to do this until either they get contracted to take my insurance or until I switch plans. This is really good news as it will allow me to stick with a Doctor Who understands my needs and complexities. I have a psychiatrist appointment this afternoon, and the clinic is writing off the cost of this appointment because of the insurance situation. Also, my therapist told me that I’m just going to have to learn to use the resources that I do have in regards to my eating disorder, and she also told me to ask the psychiatrist when I go to see them today about ways that I can go about getting further evaluated for the dissociative issues because she said she is not qualified to do those evaluations. I asked her what I was supposed to do if it got to a point where things are medically unstable and I needed more than just inpatient treatment, and she said that I was just going to have to get medically stable and then work with the other stuff on an outpatient basis. I just don’t want things to go downhill and then I not have the support that I need to properly deal with things and then end up going back into a relapse. The other thing that has me worried is that the medication I am on currently is not working like I think it should. One reason for this I think, is because the medication is not out an effective dose to make a lot of a difference. Also, the medication I am on for anxiety is not working. I’m going to talk to the psychiatrist today and see if there’s anything you can do in regards to that. I know they cannot give me anything that is lethal because of the risk of either me or the other alters overdosing on the medication. I know that the borderline personality disorder poses a risk and is a barrier to me actually getting what might help in treatment. I have an appointment in a few hours with my primary care provider because in order to fill the prescription for the ensure that she wrote, I have to have an a valuation by her which she then submits to the durable medical equipment supply store so that they can determine whether they will fill the prescription or not. Ivan have an appointment this afternoon with my psychiatrist to discuss what we are going to do after he leaves. I hope that they don’t have a weight requirement for the ensure prescription to be filled. Also, tomorrow morning my caseworker is taking me shopping, and then after that I am meeting with the care coordinator from my insurance company to do the paperwork so that we can get homemaker services started. She said those it should be started by the end of next week and that I should get roughly 20 hours per week. Also, in therapy yesterday, we discussed on the service reasons for why are use my eating disorder as a coping mechanism. It’s because I feel like so many things are out of my control and it is one way that I can control things. I hope this all makes sense, and thanks for reading.

Ray

need a friend…

Hi, it’s Ray, and I just cant keep doing this. I need something for this depression. There are insiders who are stockpiling our sleep meds and anxiety meds. Although, you cant overdose on buspar. We cant go to our local ER because people don’t understand… Our caseworker told us that the ER didn’t want us there anymore and to not go there again for psych. To go to the next city would cost us $40 which we don’t have. Just could really use a friend.

Ray

CANT DO THIS!!!!!!

HI, ITS AMILIA, AND I JUST CANT DO THIS. I BOUGHT A BOTTLE OF TYLENOL. GOING TO TRY AND GO TO SLEEP TO GET MY MIND OFF THINGS, BUT IF I CANT….. I DON’T KNOW. SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE SUPPORT. I COULD REALLY USE IT RIGHT NOW. FEELING LIKE I WANT TO JUST END THINGS……

Amilia

psychiatrist appointment

So, we had our psychiatrist appointment yesterday, and the doctor put me on Ambian for sleep and Buspar for anxiety. He said he couldn’t put us on anything else because of the possibility of us overdosing….. I can understand that, but I need something for this fucking depression and these mood shifts. I told him about our panic attacks that would get so bad that I would end up dissociating because I would get so overwhelmed that another part would take over and end up doing harm to the body. He’s starting me off on ten MG of Buspar three times a day and five MG of ambian at bedtime. The manager of the clinic is working on getting me into an inpatient program for trauma disorders. I hate it when people tell me that Jesus can heal a chemical imbalance. I hate stupid religion. I don’t like it when people throw Scripture at me like it’s the answer to everything. If things would be solved just by praying about it, then we wouldn’t need meds or therapists, and the psychiatrists and therapists would be without a job. Don’t know how much more of this depression I can take.

Rayette

when to be hospitalized for DID/mental health

so all the doctors that we keep seeing at the ER just keep telling us that they can’t help us. I told them that Amilia was suicidal, and in fact, she had been the one to take the two overdoses. The doctors simply said the ER wasn’t the place for us. I told hem that at least it would keep us safe so we can work through some things. The doctor said he couldn’t help with the alters, but we weren’t expecting hem to do that anyway. It’s just a really hard time for us, and with all the realizations we’ve had lately, we think it would be in our best interest to seek inpatient treatment. Plus what with all the eating issues and such going on…. I just don’t know. What are people’s thoughts on when to hospitalize for DID when doctors keep giving you the run around????? Thansk.

The collective

took an overdose and they still sent us home

So, I took an overdose of our meds, and they still sent us home…. We don’t know what to do from here… I’m doing all I can to keep the system safe, but I’m running out of ideas. Also, others within the system I don’t know who have been spending our money that would normally be used to pay the bills. So, now I don’t know if we will have enough money to pay the bills. Amilia now is mute because a doctor told her she was a game… What are we suppose to do now when one of us is suicidal because apparently going to the hospital isn’t working. We should not have survived on what we took.

Rayette