Trigger warning weight and food and medical our psych appointment

Trigger warning
.
.
.
.
.
.
So, yesterday, we had our psychiatrist nurse practitioner appointment. We were talking to her and discussing our situation. We told her there were no more medications they could try for motility issues. She said it is super frustrating to feel like you’re not even in control of your own body. I told her that yes this is exactly how we all felt. I told her we wished they would just put in a feeding tube already because we are so exhausted from all of this. Even drinking water makes us feel nauseous. We don’t really know what to do. We are already down to 92 pounds, and our dietitian said that if we got below 90 we would have to go back to inpatient for eating disorders. None of the other people on our team is recommending that. They said that with the other medical issues we have going on that if we had to go into a psych hospital, it would have to be one with medical facilities attached, and we don’t have many of those. None they will except us anyway. We are trying our best and doing what we can, but we don’t know if it will be enough. Our gastric emptying study isn’t until February 5.
Ray

Just because you’re on vacation TW trauma

Trigger warning: trauma 

T
T
T
T
T
T
T
T
T
T
T
T
T
T
Just because we’re on vacation, doesn’t mean our trauma stuff stops. We shared a link that someone else on Facebook shared, and it was about child abuse, spacifically that a 13-ear-old girl had died giving birth to her father’s child. I posted about it to spread awareness. Of child abuse, and someone commented on the post telling me to take a break, that i was on vacation, and if she were on vacation, she wouldn’t post about such topics. Ugh!!! This person always likes to start drama no matter what i post. So frustrating. And other proof that your problems don’t just disappear when you’re on vacation, my heart rate was 143 when i got out of the shower even though i took my med before i got in the shower. So just because you’re on vacation, doesn’t mean your problems go away. Enough said. Rant over.
Dilia

new kitty!!

We are getting a new ESA kitty. His name is Eden. He is soooo cute!!! We are in California now, but we have just ordered all his kitty things!! Can’t wait to meet you again Eden!!

Ray

from Lilianna food TW

Trigger warning: foodt
t
t
t
t
t
t
t
t
t
t
t
t
t
t
t
t
t
hi everyone, i hate food, it causes me so much pain. i hate it i hate it. i hate being in so much pain physically. i hate our achy joints. i feel like my body is punnishing me for doing what im supposed to, which is eat. ugh!!!
Lilianna

from Lilianna a teen part TW

Trigger warning: trauma and PTSD

t

t

t

t

t

t

t

t

t

t

 

Hi its Lilianna. im 13. i hate trauma. i hate remembering. i hate flashbacks. i know we need to weigh more. i know we are to thin. i dont know how to help with stuff. i am just not sure how to stay out of the memories. 

Lilianna

Frustrations with the healthcare system

Trigger warning eating disorder and I don’t know what else
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
So, I spoke to my care coordinator, Courtney, at the insurance company, and she said that as long as the state isn’t forcing them to pay for anything, they’re not going to. She said residential treatment will not be covered no matter what we do. She said I was going to have to find intensive outpatient or partial hospitalization program options. I told her that the closest one was two hours away, and she said, “well we provide transportation. “ I told her that that was not the point, but partial hospitalization was not clinically recommended by anyone on my team. I said to her, “do things have to get really bad before insurance will do anything? Or are they just going to let me die? I know my providers won’t allow that to happen, but still, I still wonder this. Why does the insurance have to govern the treatment we get when they are not even the professionals on my team? It doesn’t make sense. I don’t want to have to get down to 89 or even 85 pounds and have to do this continuous loop From inpatient directly back to outpatient, skipping three levels of care, but I really don’t see that we have a choice. As long as money hungry people are in charge of making the decisions about what they will cover for my healthcare, then I feel powerless. This is beyond my insurance company at this point. It is at the state level. I don’t understand why the laws in Illinois aren’t protecting us from this cruelty and depravity. It doesn’t make sense! Not only that, but my physical health problems are being blamed on my mental health. Eating disorders don’t cause hypermobile joints or scoliosis or any of the other symptoms of idiots that I have which doctors refuse to diagnose because insurance again won’t cover genetic testing. Insurance won’t cover my prosthetics to be replaced which I’ve had for 10 years. I don’t understand what I have to do to get the healthcare I deserve as a US citizen. I feel like I’m fighting for everything I’m asking for. I fought to have us recognized as a system. We have been fighting insurance for over two years at this point. Can’t even go to the doctor for a physical health issue without them saying that I need to get the Mental Health treated first before they can help with the other stuff. I probably sound like I’m complaining too much. I should be grateful that I’m alive.
Ray

Hi from Brianna

Trigger warning: anorexia and trauma

t

t

t

t

tt

t

t

t

t

t

t

t

Hi its Brianna. i am one in the system who struggles with anorexia. i hate food. i hate gaining weight. i don’t want to be bigger. eating brings back memories for me. i went without food for a few days and weeks at a time when we were younger. when the body was 15, i was the one who dealt with food. i got in trouble for going to events and eating “to much” for my grandparents’ approval. we were at church, which is another trigger for some of us, and if we ate a brownie that was to big, we got beat when we got home. so, yeah, food is not in a good mindset for me. 

Oh, and did i mention treatment centers that encourage restriction? Yeah, when we were at Linden Oaks, we were told that we couldn’t have a brownie because it went over by two exchanges for our meal plan, instead of one. I don’t understand why treatment centers who want people with anorexia to eat more are encouraging people to restrict. that annoys me to no end!! Rant over. Thanks for reading.

Brianna

from Emmie TW eating issues

TW eating issues

T

T

T

T

T

T

T

T

T

T

T

T

T

T

T

Hi its Emmie. I hate food. I hate eating. I hate what it does to my body. I hate the memories of the stuff that was done to me. I want the body to look like me, like a 12-year-old. I don’t want to lose weight to be thin, I want the memories to stop. I don’t think I deserve food. What was done to me, hurts… like crazy… the memories are a lot. Ugh!! Do people get this? It’s not an eating disorder, it’s a trauma symptom. Maybe im overthinking this.

Emmie

A SLEEPY LACEY

HI EVERYONE IT’s LACEY. I’m VERY VERY Tired. I’m TRYING TO STAY AWAKE. IT’s REALLY HARD. THINK I MIGHT JUST SUCCUMB TO SLEEP. THINK I NEED IT. CAN’t KEEP MY EYES OPEN. GOODNIGHT WORLD.

LACEY