anorexia thoughts *TW*

Anorexia says no food, but food is fuel.

Anorexia says I’m fat, but I’m not.

Anorexia says I’m not sick enough, but I am.

Anorexia says I’m not deserving of treatment, but I am.

Ray

Always live to inspire.

frum Mira

hi im so so sad so very very sad. i wan a mommy. i want sumone to hug

me and tel me it wil be ok.. jus need a hug.

Mira

So so much *tw*

Hi everybody.

This is all to much. I dont wanna die!! We are really underweight. I want help, but no one will help us!! Feels like we have no control!! I dont like not having control!!! I dont know what to do. I just… dont know!! Just want to block everything out!!! Just so much anxiety!! So much pain… just so sad… so so sad.. just so tired… want the dreams to stop… just want it all to stop!!!
Emmie 12

BPD no no no!!!

So yesterday in therapy, Lily went ove the diagnostic criteria with us for BPD. She said that even though it’s mild, i still meet criteria. I don’t agree. Maybe I’m not seeing things clearly, but i just don’t see it. I’m not out of control with anger. In fact, usually, I’m not even the one who gets angry. Usually, it’s Enigma or Amilia or someone else who holds that. Lily said that anorexia could be considered impulsive. I don’t ge that, because it’s another disorder entirely. Again, maybe I’m wrong? I just don’t want to have BPD because of the stigma. I’m also confused because before, Lily was saying that i didn’t have it, but now, she’s changed her mind, just because i was in the hospital a few weeks ago for suicidal thoughts. wouldn’t any of you be to if you were going through what we are going through? I’m just confused… Any advice? Lily said she doesn’t even want to work on the BPD because it’s not my main issue. She says my main issues are DID, PTSD, anorexia and depression. She said DID was primary along with anorexia.

Ray

At the ER again…

So we are at the ER again for psych. I just don’t understand why my insurance has to be so damn stupid!!! This is. Continuous cycle that needs to stop!!! We’re not really fixing the issue. We’re just glossing over it with a temporary band-aid.

Ray

Porcelain smile

That porcelain smile on her face is fake,

How much wood will it take before she breaks?

The cracks in the smile are starting to show.

When will it break? Will anyone ever know?

I don’t understand why there must be a pain,

But we will keep pretending for as long as we can.

Does anyone see what’s behind that smile?

Maybe if they would listen to her for a little while, then they would know The world of pain and hurt, and loneliness she goes through. Will you listen to her? We will be a friend to her?

Or will she just break into 1 million pieces again!

It’s like her childhood is being repeated by the system that is supposed to help, but instead is re-traumatizing.

Ray

IT’S ALL ABOUT RESPECT AND THAT’S AL THERE ISS TO IT!!!!

I’ve asked people to call me Raycand that hasn’t beeen respected by everyone. I feel like i shouldn’t be allowed to have the right to be called Ray when my “name” is Rayette legally.

That name waas used in abuse to trigger us. The question remains: what if I were transgender? Would you still not respect my name preference? I guess i shouldn’t stand up for myself to ask people to call me Ray because it doesn’t seem like eeveryone respects that request. It makes me really sad because every time someone calls me Rayette, it sends us into flashbacks and that’s not cool on top of everything we have going on. Sorry for the rant.

Ray

going home for Christmas

Hello everyone,

So we’re going home for Christmas. We hope it goes well. We are taking a few supplement drinks with us. Wish us luck. Have a happy Christmas everyone!!!

Ray