me no lik bad dreems. day not be gud. i hate dem. no want dem to hapen agin. me no wanna be scard.
Chelsey 4
trauma and depression
Trigger warning: depression and trauma
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Oh how I wish I could help Lacey. I know she struggling so so much. I just wish I could take away her pain. I wish I could take her out of the memories and flashbacks and take away the feelings. I wish I could help her want to live. She started out by protecting me, but now I am protecting her. How is that possible? I don’t know. I just know so many of us are in so much pain. I’m trying to hold things together as best I can.
Ray
struggling TW from Lacey
TW trauma and sadness
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im not ok. i hate memories. i hate flashbacks. im back there again. i dont wanna feel. i wanna be safe. i hate this. hate being so sad. just feels like a black hole. thoughts in my mind so bleak and dark… just wanna feel numb.. hate this time of year. it still feels like 2005. can hear my grandparents yelling and screaming.
Lacey 13
Is it ok?
What more can we do to get the treatment we need? What more can we do that we haven’t already done? Is it ok that we’re struggling with food and stuff and trauma right now? Is it ok or understandable that we aren’t making a lot of progress? Just feeling so defeated…
Ray
Can’t Sleep…
Good morning everyone,
So we can’t sleep. Nightmares are not cool. Not cool at all!!!! We hate this month. Think I will be up for a while. Ugh. I want the memories to stop!!!
Emmie 12
The hearing results
So today we had the hearing. We didn’t get the results we were hoping for. Meridian tried to throw some off-the-wall legal crap to derail our plans, and it worked. My attorney’s have to do more research to try to combat their arguments. The treatment center also said that a PHP program will not benefit us that we need residential treatment. My entire treatment team is angry with them, and Medicaid has some ludicrous laws about paying for residential treatment. I guess only Illinois has these laws. We are going to use the parody law argument to hopefully help our case. I really hope that something happens, or eventually we will be going to the media.
Ray
from Dana TW food
TW food
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hi im Dana. i dont like food in the tummy. i dont like to be full. i get flashbacks of the bad stuff when im full. i dont like it. i feel like im back there again…. i dont even want to think about it.
Dana 11
feeling overwhelmed (trauma) from Ray trigger warning
Trigger warning: abuse
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just feeling very overwhelmed right now. Trauma sucks and getting new memories…. i don’t need this right now. The only way i know to make them stop is to not eat, and then we just had the whole thing where Lily and us feel stuck in therapy. This hearing can’t come soon enough. Ugh, I hate this!!! wish Lily weren’t so far away.
Ray
the evaluation
Hi everyone,Hope everyone is doing well!!
Ray
So today, as we speak right now, we are sitting on a train on the way to Chicago to the psychogolical evaluation. We are so excited to get this done. So excited to finally meet Megan!! After all these nine months, we finally get to meet!!! Yay!!!
Trigger warning eating disorder late night thoughts
Trigger warning: eating disorder tttttHello everyone,So just having some late night thoughts. Just thinking about treatment, and how it’s not even been a month yet, and we’re already struggling and almost back to pre-inpatient weight. I feel like a failure.. i know recovery is not leniar, but i still feel like i should have been able to keep things together longer than 3 weeks. i just feel like i didn’t try hard enough. i feel like i’m failing at recovery. this is just so hard. if we have to go back to inpatient, none of our issues will be addressed and we will end up in this same situation when we get back home. I’m just getting tired of this cycle. i just want to recover!!! Ugh!!! i hate anorexia. we’ve had it for 19 years!!! They say recovery is harder after 7 years of the illness. Why do things have to be so hard??Ray
