HI ITS AMILIA. I’M JUST SO FULL OF FOOD!!! I HATE THIS!! I KNOW THAT I NEED TO EAT, BUT ITS JUST SO MUCH!!! I KNOW WE NEED HELP, BUT I’M JUST SO AFRAID!!!
tags[alters, DID, anorexia, ED, dissociative identity disorder, eating disorder, mental illness, mental health]
so, it me Amythist, and i be cunfused. R therpist mak me feel bad. He say kids no rite from rong no matr wat day be tot. i cunfused cuz da bad peopl tels me ta do deese things and den he tel me dat i have choice. I no know how ta feel. Feel lik i not have a choice cuz of the programin stuf. Me no know wat ta do.
So its Rayette, and im just feeling like total crap. Weve had five suicide attempts in the past month no make that six. We keep going to the hospital for help after each attempt, but they keep sending us home. Dealing with programming stuff and feeling very triggered and alone. Just need a friend. Just want to die!!!!!!!!! There are alters who have plans that they feel like they have to go through with them because of the programming… Someone please talk to us!!!!!!!!!! Just want to end it all!!!!!!!
So, I don’t know what to do about whats going on. Im dealing with three alters who are dealing with suicidal programming. I went shopping the other day and came back from shopping and found a bottle of Tylenol in my bag that I don’t remember buying. Every time I try to throw away the Tylenol, they take over and hide tit form me. Also found out that being locked up in the hospital is a trigger for the others, so cant go to the hospital. Also cant go to the hospital because the ER already told me that if I go there again for psych, we will be involuntarily committed to an institution. Also found out that I have another apartment inspection on the 15th and if I don’t pass it, they will begin eviction proceedings. Amilia thinks it would be beter to be dead than homeless…. Just don’t know what to do.