I’m in need of support. Things with me and the system are in chaos. Struggling with anxiety and depression. I’m not ok. One thing I learned in therapy is “It’s ok not to be ok.” We really need as much support as possible. You can email us using the contact form on the front page.
so, it me Amythist, and i be cunfused. R therpist mak me feel bad. He say kids no rite from rong no matr wat day be tot. i cunfused cuz da bad peopl tels me ta do deese things and den he tel me dat i have choice. I no know how ta feel. Feel lik i not have a choice cuz of the programin stuf. Me no know wat ta do.
So, we had therapy today, and it was hard. We talked about me raising the number of calories I take in each day. We also discussed getting Rayette on board with getting unstuck from the trauma and getting oriented to the present. I think she will be shocked to realize that 25 and a half years have passed. He’s going to do this slowly over time. He also wants me to log the times I come back and realize that time was lost. I told him that the reason I take in 600 calories a day is because of the cult stuff, and he said he wants to work on breaking that association with food and the cult so we can be healthy physically. He’s basically getting to know us. He’s going to call the director of the ER to see about maybe letting me use my iPOD in the unit if I get admitted because of the fact that the group handouts are all in print. I told him there was an app on my iPod that I could use to take a picture of the printed material and it would read it to me. We talked about self-harm and how that Amilia does it because she can’t speak, so she’s communicating her pain in a physical way. So that was therapy.
So, I don’t know what to do about whats going on. Im dealing with three alters who are dealing with suicidal programming. I went shopping the other day and came back from shopping and found a bottle of Tylenol in my bag that I don’t remember buying. Every time I try to throw away the Tylenol, they take over and hide tit form me. Also found out that being locked up in the hospital is a trigger for the others, so cant go to the hospital. Also cant go to the hospital because the ER already told me that if I go there again for psych, we will be involuntarily committed to an institution. Also found out that I have another apartment inspection on the 15th and if I don’t pass it, they will begin eviction proceedings. Amilia thinks it would be beter to be dead than homeless…. Just don’t know what to do.