FROM MYRA TW FOOD

TW FOOD

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HI, IT’S MYRA. I WISH I COULD EAT SOLID FOOD. I MISS IT SO MUCH. I MISS CHOCOLATE AND CHIPS AND ICE CREAM. IT JUST MAKES US SO SICK TO EAT IT. IT’S NOT FAIR. WHY DOES OUR BODY HAVE TO DO THIS TO US? WHY CAN’T WE JUST BE NORMAL? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO SO HARD? I’M STRUGGLING TO SEE HOW OUR BODY DOING THIS IS NOT LIKE THE TRAUMA WE WENT THROUGH. MY HEART HURTS FOR EMMIE AND HER PARTS TO. THEY ARE STRUGGLING SO MUCH WITH ALL OF THIS. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY ADVICE?

MYRA

frum Raina TW me tinks me no kno

TW stuf? me not kno wat to putt
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me no lik dis nite. me no want da bad dreems. me no wanna go back der me hate dem bad peeples. no wanna go back der agin!!!!!!! it be so reel!!! not wanna tink abowt it!!! sumone hug me? me wants a mommy!!! me want a blanky!!! me want my dolly, but me no hav one!!!!! me no wanna be skard!!! me no lik the dark!!!
Raina 4

from Dana TW food

TW food

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hi im Dana. i dont like food in the tummy. i dont like to be full. i get flashbacks of the bad stuff when im full. i dont like it. i feel like im back there again…. i dont even want to think about it.

Dana 11

she found us again… ugh!!!

So our biological mom found us again. This time, she found us through Twitter. When will the contact ever stop? It just amazes me how someone who hurt us so much good still want contact.

I mean, she actually direct messaged us and left her phone number. It’s just so frustrating that when we try to get away, we still can’t.

Ray

from emmie TW eating disorder

trigger warning: eating disorder

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not eating makes me feel safe. i dont know why but it does. We were only allowed to have a certain number of calories growing up and now i freak out when we go over that amount, it’s like its a PTSD trigger… not sure if this makes sense.

i dont eat so i dont remember. i know the others eat but then i feel guilty cause i use laxatives… i feel like such a failure. i just wanna do things 12 year olds do. Why? Why me?

Emmie

why me? *tw*

*triggers talk of ritual abuse*

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Why was I allowed to escape? Why weren’t the other kids allowed to be free? Why did they have to die or continue to be programmed? Why just why??? Why did we have to kill those children? Why did we have to do those horrible things? I feel so guilty!!!

Ray

Always live to inspire.

used

feeling like an object

like a puppet on a string.

forced to bend to their every whim.

where do i fit in?

you used me as your pleasure

my pain was your release.

well, to hell with you!!!

Fuck you!!!

GO TO HELL ABUSERS!!!

ENIGMA

IN NEED OF SUPPORT!!!

Hey everyone,

I’m in need of support. Things with me and the system are in chaos. Struggling with anxiety and depression. I’m not ok. One thing I learned in therapy is “It’s ok not to be ok.” We really need as much support as possible. You can email us using the contact form on the front page.

Ray

cunfused from Amythist

so, it me Amythist, and i be cunfused. R therpist mak me feel bad. He say kids no rite from rong no matr wat day be tot. i cunfused cuz da bad peopl tels me ta do deese things and den he tel me dat i have choice. I no know how ta feel. Feel lik i not have a choice cuz of the programin stuf. Me no know wat ta do.

Amythist 6

therapy today with DR. V

So, we had therapy today, and it was hard. We talked about me raising the number of calories I take in each day. We also discussed getting Rayette on board with getting unstuck from the trauma and getting oriented to the present. I think she will be shocked to realize that 25 and a half years have passed. He’s going to do this slowly over time. He also wants me to log the times I come back and realize that time was lost. I told him that the reason I take in 600 calories a day is because of the cult stuff, and he said he wants to work on breaking that association with food and the cult so we can be healthy physically. He’s basically getting to know us. He’s going to call the director of the ER to see about maybe letting me use my iPOD in the unit if I get admitted because of the fact that the group handouts are all in print. I told him there was an app on my iPod that I could use to take a picture of the printed material and it would read it to me. We talked about self-harm and how that Amilia does it because she can’t speak, so she’s communicating her pain in a physical way. So that was therapy.

Ray