from Eliza TW trauma and sexual abuse

TW trauma

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Hi, it’s Eliza. I’m 14. I hate memories. I hate trauma. I hate that I have to remember all the things my father did to me. I hate feeling like I’m there again. The memories of being sold to all those men and having to unload my dad’s drug shipments that he got after I was raped repeatedly, over and over and over again, day after day. I hold so so many memories that the others don’t know about. Just don’t want to keep remembering this stuff.

Eliza 14

Just because you’re on vacation TW trauma

Trigger warning: trauma 

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Just because we’re on vacation, doesn’t mean our trauma stuff stops. We shared a link that someone else on Facebook shared, and it was about child abuse, spacifically that a 13-ear-old girl had died giving birth to her father’s child. I posted about it to spread awareness. Of child abuse, and someone commented on the post telling me to take a break, that i was on vacation, and if she were on vacation, she wouldn’t post about such topics. Ugh!!! This person always likes to start drama no matter what i post. So frustrating. And other proof that your problems don’t just disappear when you’re on vacation, my heart rate was 143 when i got out of the shower even though i took my med before i got in the shower. So just because you’re on vacation, doesn’t mean your problems go away. Enough said. Rant over.
Dilia

Doctor’s appointment and therapy yesterday *tw* sexual abuse

Hello everyone,
So yesterday I went to see Dr. Dynda, and he said that from a medical standpoint everything was fine as my vitamin D went up by three points. He said your weight is stable it’s above 90 pounds at least it’s not 80 or 70 pounds. He seen me in three months. He also told me that we have to restart this entire process of trying to get into River Oaks. What has all this work done for for the last year? Has it been for nothing? I just feel like everyone spinning their wheels because no one knows what to do.
Also talked to Lily on the phone yesterday and we talked about the sexual assaults that we suffered as an adult. I thought I was ready to tell her about them so I forced myself to, but that was not a good idea. I am some of the others are in flashback land. It’s not good. My doctor also wants me to go to my psychiatrist appointment today, but here’s the psychiatrist who said he does not believe we meet criteria for anything that we’ve been diagnosed with. I cannot knowingly go to someone who is not going to believe what I say. So I’m not going. The doctor did say that if I don’t go it would not look good on my insurance. He said it would look like I am not complying with the treatment they are willing to cover.*Sarcasm*
Today we are meeting with Sarrah for a two hour mental health assessment review. Sara is our caseworker. I think Amelia is going to write her a letter or something I’m not entirely sure what’s going on with that, but there’s really nothing Sara can do. If the insurance won’t pay for the treatment we need, we can’t force them.
Ray

used

feeling like an object

like a puppet on a string.

forced to bend to their every whim.

where do i fit in?

you used me as your pleasure

my pain was your release.

well, to hell with you!!!

Fuck you!!!

GO TO HELL ABUSERS!!!

ENIGMA

ITS EMMI

its emmie. i hate food!!! i just cant eat… so many things happened to me around food. if i eat, i have to throw it up cuz of the you did to me. I dont deserve food. they made me eat so much that i got sick and then they did stuff to me and then made me… eat.. what i threw up!!! god, i cant think about it!!! i cant eat!!! maybe Karen will understand. shes our dietician. i needed to get this out…

Emmie

IN NEED OF SUPPORT!!!

Hey everyone,

I’m in need of support. Things with me and the system are in chaos. Struggling with anxiety and depression. I’m not ok. One thing I learned in therapy is “It’s ok not to be ok.” We really need as much support as possible. You can email us using the contact form on the front page.

Ray