why me? *tw*

*triggers talk of ritual abuse*

T

T

T

T

T

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T

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Why was I allowed to escape? Why weren’t the other kids allowed to be free? Why did they have to die or continue to be programmed? Why just why??? Why did we have to kill those children? Why did we have to do those horrible things? I feel so guilty!!!

Ray

Always live to inspire.

used

feeling like an object

like a puppet on a string.

forced to bend to their every whim.

where do i fit in?

you used me as your pleasure

my pain was your release.

well, to hell with you!!!

Fuck you!!!

GO TO HELL ABUSERS!!!

ENIGMA

therapy today with DR. V

So, we had therapy today, and it was hard. We talked about me raising the number of calories I take in each day. We also discussed getting Rayette on board with getting unstuck from the trauma and getting oriented to the present. I think she will be shocked to realize that 25 and a half years have passed. He’s going to do this slowly over time. He also wants me to log the times I come back and realize that time was lost. I told him that the reason I take in 600 calories a day is because of the cult stuff, and he said he wants to work on breaking that association with food and the cult so we can be healthy physically. He’s basically getting to know us. He’s going to call the director of the ER to see about maybe letting me use my iPOD in the unit if I get admitted because of the fact that the group handouts are all in print. I told him there was an app on my iPod that I could use to take a picture of the printed material and it would read it to me. We talked about self-harm and how that Amilia does it because she can’t speak, so she’s communicating her pain in a physical way. So that was therapy.

Ray