So yesterday in therapy, Lily went ove the diagnostic criteria with us for BPD. She said that even though it’s mild, i still meet criteria. I don’t agree. Maybe I’m not seeing things clearly, but i just don’t see it. I’m not out of control with anger. In fact, usually, I’m not even the one who gets angry. Usually, it’s Enigma or Amilia or someone else who holds that. Lily said that anorexia could be considered impulsive. I don’t ge that, because it’s another disorder entirely. Again, maybe I’m wrong? I just don’t want to have BPD because of the stigma. I’m also confused because before, Lily was saying that i didn’t have it, but now, she’s changed her mind, just because i was in the hospital a few weeks ago for suicidal thoughts. wouldn’t any of you be to if you were going through what we are going through? I’m just confused… Any advice? Lily said she doesn’t even want to work on the BPD because it’s not my main issue. She says my main issues are DID, PTSD, anorexia and depression. She said DID was primary along with anorexia.
So we’ve been in the hospital for like 10 days. Insurance was going to stop paying today anyway. We were supposed to have a psychiatrist appointment today, but the appointment got deleted from my caseworkers computer, so she can’t take me. Had to reschedule the appointment, but the next time he was available wasn’t until August 2. So I just got out of inpatient and have to wait until then to see him. While in the hospital, they put us on eating disorder protocol for like two days and then took us off because we were eating 50% of our meals. Was told by a psychiatrist that if I did not learn to control my dissociation I was never going to get better. He is a freaking jerk! My therapist I had there was really nice and was trying to do everything he could to get us to help we need, but the insurance company instantly shut him down when he was asking about the program in Louisiana. They said they had no funding. I find that hard to believe when they just paid for a $30,000 inpatient psych stay. This is so frustrating! I guess we are just going to have to do things on our own from now on. We are trying to meet with a different therapist who works in the same practice as Misty, but not sure how that’s going to work. Meeting with my caseworker today in my apartment. Hoping that goes well. When I got home, I had to straighten my house because my kitty cat made quite a mess while I was gone. He is back to his lovable self, and I woke up this morning to him sleeping beside me on the couch. I have an air mattress, but I’m going to have to buy a new bed because the mattress keeps losing air for some unknown reason. Well in the hospital, the staff were really triggering. They were talking about their diets and their low-calorie foods and drinks. I asked them to stop, and they said, “this is not an eating disorder is unit, you’re just going to have to deal with it. “Overall, a negative experience in the hospital. The doctor and therapist did what they could. We saw three psychiatrists while you are there. Sorry if there any mistakes in this post, I’m using dictation. Tiger just me out to say hi to you all. How is everyone today? I will be posting a YouTube video later with an update.