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BPD no no no!!!

So yesterday in therapy, Lily went ove the diagnostic criteria with us for BPD. She said that even though it’s mild, i still meet criteria. I don’t agree. Maybe I’m not seeing things clearly, but i just don’t see it. I’m not out of control with anger. In fact, usually, I’m not even the one who gets angry. Usually, it’s Enigma or Amilia or someone else who holds that. Lily said that anorexia could be considered impulsive. I don’t ge that, because it’s another disorder entirely. Again, maybe I’m wrong? I just don’t want to have BPD because of the stigma. I’m also confused because before, Lily was saying that i didn’t have it, but now, she’s changed her mind, just because i was in the hospital a few weeks ago for suicidal thoughts. wouldn’t any of you be to if you were going through what we are going through? I’m just confused… Any advice? Lily said she doesn’t even want to work on the BPD because it’s not my main issue. She says my main issues are DID, PTSD, anorexia and depression. She said DID was primary along with anorexia.

Ray

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At the ER again…

So we are at the ER again for psych. I just don’t understand why my insurance has to be so damn stupid!!! This is. Continuous cycle that needs to stop!!! We’re not really fixing the issue. We’re just glossing over it with a temporary band-aid.

Ray

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went to the hospital yesterday

hi everyone. so yesterday, we went to the hospital because our PCP was concerned. we were there for 7 hours only for them to say there was nothing they could do since we weren’t suicidal. they put us in a regular room at first’s, but then they put us in the psych room with the cameras, even though we weren’t suicidal. Then they moved us back to a regular room and we had to wait to get our stuff back after mental health evaluated us.

Mental health said that they couldn’t do anything because the criteria they have for hossitalization states that you have to be suicidal for admission.

My PCP said they couldn’t let me die. so now i don’t know what to do. I feel just so stuck.

[categories eating disorders, mental illness, mental health stigma]

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CANT do this!! just cant *tw*

so just found out that after all these years, insurance doesn’t even have all my diagnoses listed. They don’t even have PTSD. i basically have to be re-evaluated for everything!! just feel like ing crazy!!! i want out!!! i cant do this!!! this with the news that we got from our dietitian today, just to much!!!Ray

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Therapy in a little bit

Hi everyone, We have therapy in like half an hour. Enigma needs to talk to him today about her feeling suicidal. I hope we have a good session. Ray

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Will things ever get better?

Hi everyone,

I don’t even know where to start. This whole trying to get help in reaching out is beyond frustrated because everyone is saying there’s nothing they can do. Insurance is saying I don’t meet criteria, yet I continue to lose weight. The crisis center and other hospitals aren’t excepting us because of the complex medical issues the trauma and the visual impairment. I feel like I am complaining and then I shouldn’t do that. I was told by a very trusted friend that he didn’t believe in SR a. He said it was my reality but that he didn’t believe in it. I don’t even know where I can go for support anymore. The one hospital that will except us we cannot get to because no one is willing to drive us. We are such a burden that no one is willing to drive us 45 minutes to get the help we need actually maybe it is an hour and a half, but still! We just want help, is that too much to ask?

Ray

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Good morning

So, how is everyone doing today? We’re doing ok today. Still feeling suicidal though, but we’ll have to make the best of it. Have to fake it till we make it. All I know is that I can’t keep going like this. We’re continuing to lose weight. Not sure how much longer I can keep doing this. I just feel so alone. I could really use a friend. Just feeling really defeated. I want to cut. I’ve never done that before. T’i always been Amilia. Not sure why I want to do it. Does this mean I’m a failure? I hate myself. I don’t want to live. My mood is all over the place. I hate this. I hope this insurance says yes. I really really hope they do.

Ray

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Dark Place

I’m not ok. Dr. Bland took us off all meds. No one will help us. Our team isn’t answering my calls or returning them. I’m not sure what to do. I can’t go to the ER. They send us home even after suicide attempts. They don’t care.

Trigger Warning:

I now weigh 99 pounds. I’m 5 ft. 4. I just can’t do this anymore!!!

Ray

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LOST CAUSE??? *tw* suicide

Are we a lost cause? It sure seems that way.

We reach out for help, and it’s like no one hears us. Amilia reaches out, and because she can’t speak, no one listens. She wants to go back to expressing her pain in other ways.

What will it take for people to listen?

Ray

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Losing Time is Scary As Hell!!!

I hate waking up to find myself in somewhat dangerous situations. It’s rally scary to wake up for instance in the mi.le of suicide attempts or to wake up in the ER after one. Wish I could learn ways to handle this. Just feel like things are falling apart.

Ray