went to the hospital yesterday

hi everyone. so yesterday, we went to the hospital because our PCP was concerned. we were there for 7 hours only for them to say there was nothing they could do since we weren’t suicidal. they put us in a regular room at first’s, but then they put us in the psych room with the cameras, even though we weren’t suicidal. Then they moved us back to a regular room and we had to wait to get our stuff back after mental health evaluated us.

Mental health said that they couldn’t do anything because the criteria they have for hossitalization states that you have to be suicidal for admission.

My PCP said they couldn’t let me die. so now i don’t know what to do. I feel just so stuck.

[categories eating disorders, mental illness, mental health stigma]

WHAT THE HELL DO I HAVE TO Do TO GET TREATMENT??

what do i have to do to get treatment? we went to the new psychiatrist, and he basically said that he couldn’t help us. He also said that DID is just exaggerated BPD. he said that meds won’t help me and recommended that I continue to meet with my therapist and he’s not seeing us anymore. so much for providers actually listening to us!!! i mean, some of my providers have said that if i don’t get treatment, I will die! they don’t care!!

Ray

fat *tw*

im so fat!! i hate myself. im so disgusting. i want to keep decreasing my calories. i hate this!! i want to recover, but people notice this body now that they say we’re thin… im not though… im fat!!!

Emmie

not ok *tw* ED and weight and suicide

hi its emmie. i dont want to do this anymore. i hate the food. i just cant!!! i wouldn’t mind getting down to 85 pounds or even 80. We’re already 92. or maybe we should just cram our mouth full and risk the refeeding thing. since the insurance or doctors don’t care anyway. just feeling low.

Emmie

why DO I HAVE TO SUFFER?

*Trigger* mentions weight

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why do we have to continue to suffer? i dont know. all i know is 20% of anorexics die!!! one person dies every 62 minutes from an eating disorder. I’m 76% of my ideal body weight. what more does my body have to go through? why do my issues be so complex? my issues are keeping me from getting into treatment!!! i just hate this!!! sometimes, i dont care and just want to end my suffering! my heart rate has gotten as low as 43 and as high as 159, and no, i wasnt excercising. what the hell do i have to do to get the help i need?

i cant just go to the ER for fluids because of malnourishment because if i go to the ER, they bollis a liter of fluids in an hour which can cause heart failure. and i cant eat what i’m supposed to to gain weight, because of the risk of refeeding syndrome which can be fatal!! i really feel like i’m in a lot of catch 22s. Like what am i supposed to do? I have lost 80 pounds in the last year!!! i’m just so damn lost!!!

Ray

feeling sad *tw*

hi its emmie. im sad today. why cant i just be me? i hate switching. why cant i have some control? just feels like im falling apart.

emmie

My day yesterday and possible legal action

Hello everyone,
So yesterday I called River oaks to ask them if we could do the appeal, and they said they could not because they’re Dr. house to do a peer to peer with meridians medical director, and this cannot be done because they’re Dr. has not seen me. I then called (Meridian) to inquire about other methods, and they said I could not do the appeal that the facility had two. They said we had to do it by today which is not possible. Somehow they have it in their records that I was discharged from river oaks. I don’t know how that is because I have never been there. I contacted an organization called equip for a quality and then working with an advocate named Megan. I told her what my BMI was and how I was being treated by the medical system, and she was shocked. I’m going to see a new primary care provider this morning in about an hour, and hoping that goes well. Maybe she can do the appeal? I’m not sure though, but I can only hope at this point. I am pretty sure we are going to have to sue meridians/Medicaid. Hope everyone has a good day.
Ray
Sent from my iPhone

THE DAMN MEDICAL SYSTEM!!!

I HATE THE DAMN MEDICAL SYSTEM. WE APPLIED FOR A FINNANCIAL ASSISTANCE PROGRAM, AND THEY SAID THAT BECAUSE WE HAD INSURANCE THAT WE DON’T QUALIFY FOR THE PROGRAM EVEN THOUGH THE PORGRAM THAT WE WENT TO ISN’T COVERED BY MEDICAID. THEY JUST SAID, “WE’RE SORRY, BUT WE CAN’T APPROVE YOU.” WELL, FUCK THEM!!! WE WON’T BE PAYING THAT DAMN BILL!!!!

ENIGMA

Therapy yesterday

So we had therapy yesterday. We were exhausted when we got home so went right to sleep afterward. We discussed a lot. have most of the session, and then Emmie had some of it to. I talked about how there’s only so long that we can be expected to be strong, and how that I felt like we were being retraumatised again by the insurance company because it felt like they had all the control. It feels like they are dictating our lives. I was so overwhelmed. Lily introduced us to theraplay. It’s a technique that helps me and other parts get the care we never got as children. It helps us experience what a true attachment is supposed to be. You use things like objects to stemulate the senses. It’s pretty cool. Also, things like good toutching and pressure touch using lotion to show what a good touch is. It was a good session.

Ray