Trigger warning weight and food and medical our psych appointment

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So, yesterday, we had our psychiatrist nurse practitioner appointment. We were talking to her and discussing our situation. We told her there were no more medications they could try for motility issues. She said it is super frustrating to feel like you’re not even in control of your own body. I told her that yes this is exactly how we all felt. I told her we wished they would just put in a feeding tube already because we are so exhausted from all of this. Even drinking water makes us feel nauseous. We don’t really know what to do. We are already down to 92 pounds, and our dietitian said that if we got below 90 we would have to go back to inpatient for eating disorders. None of the other people on our team is recommending that. They said that with the other medical issues we have going on that if we had to go into a psych hospital, it would have to be one with medical facilities attached, and we don’t have many of those. None they will except us anyway. We are trying our best and doing what we can, but we don’t know if it will be enough. Our gastric emptying study isn’t until February 5.
Ray

caseworker leaving TW maybe? food

TW just in case food…

Hi everyone,
So our caseworker Sarah is leaving her job. She is going to be a care-coordinator for Meridian. This makes us very very sad. We will miss her. We also got hooked up with another person from Healthy Jacksonville. They’re going to try and get us a nurse during the afternoon to monitor our vitals, but there was a big emphasis on meals. The lady asked me how much weight i needed to gain, and then proceeded to talk about BMI, and I told her that BMI was aload of crap. I told her it didn’t determine a person’s health. I guess now they’re going to motitor how much we’re eating… They don’t understand that there are other physical issues going on besides the eating disorder. This is all so complicated. 
Ray 

email to Lily

Hi Lily,

We want to do therapy the right way. But is there really a “right” way to do therapy? We want to heal, but we also don’t want to put ourselves in an even worse place. we know we are not at the right level of care. I mean, an ED therapist couldn’t even work with us because we need a higher level of care. We don’t want to do things the wrong way, but is right now the right time to be processing trauma? I can barely think to even get this out on paper to try and explain some of our fears. We have no crisis plan if something were to go wrong. No matter which way you look at it, there is no place that will take us because we are to much of a liability. We just want to heal, but it seems the medical system and healthcare system is totally against us!!! Sorry for ranting..
Ray 

Just because you’re on vacation TW trauma

Trigger warning: trauma 

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Just because we’re on vacation, doesn’t mean our trauma stuff stops. We shared a link that someone else on Facebook shared, and it was about child abuse, spacifically that a 13-ear-old girl had died giving birth to her father’s child. I posted about it to spread awareness. Of child abuse, and someone commented on the post telling me to take a break, that i was on vacation, and if she were on vacation, she wouldn’t post about such topics. Ugh!!! This person always likes to start drama no matter what i post. So frustrating. And other proof that your problems don’t just disappear when you’re on vacation, my heart rate was 143 when i got out of the shower even though i took my med before i got in the shower. So just because you’re on vacation, doesn’t mean your problems go away. Enough said. Rant over.
Dilia

from Lilianna food TW

Trigger warning: foodt
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hi everyone, i hate food, it causes me so much pain. i hate it i hate it. i hate being in so much pain physically. i hate our achy joints. i feel like my body is punnishing me for doing what im supposed to, which is eat. ugh!!!
Lilianna

from Miranda

Hi, it’s Miranda. I’m 16. I don’t like being in pain. i hate it so so much. pain makes me feel sick. ugh!!!! why do i have to b in pain? 

Miranda

chronic pain is my companion Trigger warning

chronic pain and medical stuff trigger warning:

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chronic pain and fatigue is my constant companion. I retain urine, it hurts when I eat, I constantly dislocate my shoulders, ribs, and fingers; my hands and feet are constantly cold; if I stand to long, my legs hurt because of the blood pulling; my jaw hurts after eating or chewing; I just want to be normal, but chronic pain is my companion. Brain fog is always an issue. I just feel so alone.

I had to cancel therapy yesterday because of the fatigue. I also woke up yesterday with a dislocated rib and shoulder which I had to put back in. I knew it was going to be one of those days. I hated to cancel therapy, but it was necessary. Thanks for reading.

Ray

from Lilianna a teen part TW

Trigger warning: trauma and PTSD

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Hi its Lilianna. im 13. i hate trauma. i hate remembering. i hate flashbacks. i know we need to weigh more. i know we are to thin. i dont know how to help with stuff. i am just not sure how to stay out of the memories. 

Lilianna

Hi from Brianna

Trigger warning: anorexia and trauma

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Hi its Brianna. i am one in the system who struggles with anorexia. i hate food. i hate gaining weight. i don’t want to be bigger. eating brings back memories for me. i went without food for a few days and weeks at a time when we were younger. when the body was 15, i was the one who dealt with food. i got in trouble for going to events and eating “to much” for my grandparents’ approval. we were at church, which is another trigger for some of us, and if we ate a brownie that was to big, we got beat when we got home. so, yeah, food is not in a good mindset for me. 

Oh, and did i mention treatment centers that encourage restriction? Yeah, when we were at Linden Oaks, we were told that we couldn’t have a brownie because it went over by two exchanges for our meal plan, instead of one. I don’t understand why treatment centers who want people with anorexia to eat more are encouraging people to restrict. that annoys me to no end!! Rant over. Thanks for reading.

Brianna

from Emmie TW eating issues

TW eating issues

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Hi its Emmie. I hate food. I hate eating. I hate what it does to my body. I hate the memories of the stuff that was done to me. I want the body to look like me, like a 12-year-old. I don’t want to lose weight to be thin, I want the memories to stop. I don’t think I deserve food. What was done to me, hurts… like crazy… the memories are a lot. Ugh!! Do people get this? It’s not an eating disorder, it’s a trauma symptom. Maybe im overthinking this.

Emmie