FROM EMIE

HI, IM EMIE AND IM 13. IM FAT!!!!!!! WHY DID RAY HAVE TO EAT THAT PIZZA!!!!! I HAVE TO STARVE AND PURGE!!!! I HATE THE WAY I LOOK. I WANT TO LOSE AND LOSE THE WEIGHT… I HATE BEING FAT!!!!!! NO ONE THINKS WE ARE SICK ENOUGH FOR ED TREATMENT.

EMAI

Not sick enough?

So, my PCP told me that I was not sick enough for treatment for my ED. She said, “you’re physically healthy, you’re at the lower end of normal BMI, your labs look good (they were taken a month ago), insurance probably wouldn’t even pay for an intensive outpatient program or for just outpatient therapy. “She just said to eat six small meals a day (For snack size meals and 1/2 container of ensure twice per day). So basically, none of the professionals on my treatment team are taking things seriously. When they where you at the doctors office, they don’t even take the weight off for the weight of your clothes, so they do not get an accurate picture of how much you weigh. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t go to residential because my insurance doesn’t cover it. She asked me which behaviors and I had and I told her I restricted my food intake, and she said well you’re not anorexic or bulimic, and restricting alone won’t get you into inpatient (like restricting is less of an issue then purging). I’m just so frustrated because I went in today looking for answers, and I got nothing. Makes me want to recover less and less. Makes me want to get to that “sick enough “where people actually take me seriously. It’s sad that we have to do that.

FRUSTRATED WITH MY PSYCHOLOGIST

Trigger Warning: Mention of weight and numbers

So my psychologist isn’t concerned about our ED. He said he doesn’t get concerned unless weight goes below 100 pounds. I’m only 9 pounds away from that. He told me to not make an emergency of something that’s not. I told him I didn’t have a dietician especially not one that specializes in ED, and he said I didn’t need a specialist. I told him that a person with an eating disorder can have medical complications even at a normal weight. He told me that for treatment places to accept me, I would have to be at death’s door. He’s basically telling me I’m not sick enough for treatment. Makes me want to cake things worse just to prove to people that I need treatment. I just don’t know anymore!!!

Ray

Just had therapy

So, we just had therapy. We discussed the fact that even through everything that I or the others have done to try and kill the body, we are still alive. He told me that I need to acknowledge that I and others, (thghgh sometimes not everybody) have the will to keep fighting and that we are still surviving after everything we’ve been through. He also said that we can’t expect professionals who haven’t been helpful in the past to suddenly change and do what they’re supposed to do. He the is so much stigma and that we’re not going to erase it all. He wants me to draft a document that we have made as a plan so that if we have to go to the ER we can show it to the doctors. He encouraged me that I would prevail and that recovery has its ups and downs. He says that no one is perfect and I can’t hold myself to standards that are to high for me to meet. He wants me to make a daily goal in regards to the eating, but if I don’t meet it, he wants me to accept it for what it is. He says we take each day as it comes.

Ray

Why I have been am I a

Hi everyone,

So the reason I have been am I a is because we have been in the hospital for the last four days. Was told there that they could not help and that we needed more long-term treatment outpatient. Still looking for eating disorder treatment and therapists who specialize in dissociative issues, but still no luck. Going to keep trying though some of the nurses there were less than professional. For example, one day I asked them to check my heart rate, and it was 161 when I was standing up, so I want to get another nurse, and when she came in she listened to my heart and said that it was 82. I told her that my heart rate does not go down when I stand up especially by half, and she said, “well it is 82 and that is what I’m charging it as because I’m the professional. “I hate people who use their power of being a professional know to take power over someone else. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and then an appointment with my primary care provider on Thursday. Hoping that the homemaker can start soon so that we can get this house straightened up. I’m also going shopping with my caseworker on Friday. Spoke to the national eating association, and they told me that really the only treatment facility they found was an IOP program in Peoria.

My long asterisk trigger for talk of weight and behaviors asterisk with Ed

So, I’ve been struggling with an eating disorder for the last 17 years. For the first 10 years, it was strictly anorexia, and then behaviors alternated between binging and Starving in Cycles. At my lowest weight at 14, I weighed 79 lb. I’m surprised my teachers and school never said or did anything about it. I then also realized that my alters have eating disorders of Their Own. This makes things very complex and confusing as I’m not sure how to work with it all. I’m going back down the road of starvation again. I am finding it very hard to even drink things such as ensure or even eating a piece of cheese. I feel so stupid, lost, and alone. I weigh myself everyday but I’m trying to weigh myself less like maybe once or twice a week. I am trying my best to do this thing called recovery, but I have Medicaid so finding treatment options is not easy. The nearest IOP program to me is two and a half hours away. My alters have behaviors such as binging, starving, and purging. I used to take diet pills and use laxatives as well. If anyone has any tips for recovery from an eating disorder when you also have did, please comment. I now weigh 116 lb. Sorry if this is triggering to anyone.