frum Raina TW me tinks me no kno

TW stuf? me not kno wat to putt
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me no lik dis nite. me no want da bad dreems. me no wanna go back der me hate dem bad peeples. no wanna go back der agin!!!!!!! it be so reel!!! not wanna tink abowt it!!! sumone hug me? me wants a mommy!!! me want a blanky!!! me want my dolly, but me no hav one!!!!! me no wanna be skard!!! me no lik the dark!!!
Raina 4

from Ray ER and depression and eating disorder?

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I don’t believe my low electrolytes the other night were because of our eating disorder. We have not used laxatives in approximately one month. The paramedics gave us 1 L of fluid in half an hour. Then they took our blood. We contacted the international Society for the study of trauma and dissociation, and they didn’t have any ideas for us either. Heard from our attorney yesterday that even with her closing argument, she did not think she could convince the hearing officer to force insurance to pay for our treatment. We cannot go back to Linden Oaks, we just cannot!!! They didn’t except us for who we were. They didn’t let us fully participate in art therapy because it did not fit their standard mold of how things should be. We could not talk about why we struggled with meals, so really, no real healing took place. We just wish there were something someone could do to help us. Just feels like we are trying to climb a brick wall with slippery wet stones and quicksand beneath our feet. We are trying so hard so so very hard. I just don’t know. I don’t know what else to say. For context, we had to go to the ER on Thursday afternoon and we were there for seven hours. They had to give potassium and magnesium through an IV. The paramedics gave us 1 L of fluids in half an hour and then when we got to the ER they took our blood, so no wonder our electrolytes are out of whack! The potassium going into the IV burned a lot. We could not take potassium orally as the oral tablets make us sick. Wish we didn’t have state-based insurances or that our issues weren’t so complex that we don’t fit into a nice neat little box and no one knows what to do with us. Wish we weren’t so broken!

Ray

trauma and depression

Trigger warning: depression and trauma
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Oh how I wish I could help Lacey. I know she struggling so so much. I just wish I could take away her pain. I wish I could take her out of the memories and flashbacks and take away the feelings. I wish I could help her want to live. She started out by protecting me, but now I am protecting her. How is that possible? I don’t know. I just know so many of us are in so much pain. I’m trying to hold things together as best I can.
Ray

struggling TW from Lacey

TW trauma and sadness
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im not ok. i hate memories. i hate flashbacks. im back there again. i dont wanna feel. i wanna be safe. i hate this. hate being so sad. just feels like a black hole. thoughts in my mind so bleak and dark… just wanna feel numb.. hate this time of year. it still feels like 2005. can hear my grandparents yelling and screaming.
Lacey 13

Update on how we are doing trigger warning talk of eating disorder

Trigger warning

So, we went to our dietitian appointment today, and our dietitian has said she is cutting our appointments to half an hour instead of a whole hour because there is nothing she can really do because our eating disorder is so ingrained. We were in the car earlier with one of the drivers from our insurance company, and she asked me why I needed a dietitian because I am not very big. I then told her I was anorexic, and she said she wished she was anorexic. I’ve been told her that anorexia is not a lifestyle choice. I don’t think she realized the implications of her comment, but she still shouldn’t have said anything. We still have no updates from the insurance company, and I am refusing to call my care coordinator anymore because every time I call her she has no new information. So we are playing the hurry up and wait game. It’s very frustrating. We are doing the best we can with what we have. We thank all of you for your ongoing and continued support love and patience.
Ray

why me? *tw*

*triggers talk of ritual abuse*

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Why was I allowed to escape? Why weren’t the other kids allowed to be free? Why did they have to die or continue to be programmed? Why just why??? Why did we have to kill those children? Why did we have to do those horrible things? I feel so guilty!!!

Ray

Always live to inspire.

So so much *tw*

Hi everybody.

This is all to much. I dont wanna die!! We are really underweight. I want help, but no one will help us!! Feels like we have no control!! I dont like not having control!!! I dont know what to do. I just… dont know!! Just want to block everything out!!! Just so much anxiety!! So much pain… just so sad… so so sad.. just so tired… want the dreams to stop… just want it all to stop!!!
Emmie 12

At the ER again…

So we are at the ER again for psych. I just don’t understand why my insurance has to be so damn stupid!!! This is. Continuous cycle that needs to stop!!! We’re not really fixing the issue. We’re just glossing over it with a temporary band-aid.

Ray