So, yesterday, we went to see our dietitian. As soon as I walked in, and she weighed me, she said well, what are you doing right this time? I knew by that comment that I had gained weight. I then showed her the appeal letter that my attorney had written, and she said that it was a little intense when she had talked about the risk of me dying. I just thought it was really invalidating. It only reinforces the belief that we are not sick enough. Plus, the others don’t feel comfortable coming out around her because she always says that she is not the therapist when the slightest hint of that is happening. Anytime we try to talk about things related to Food, she said we need to talk about what you’ve eaten or what you haven’t eaten. I just wish there was more to the dietitian appointment than that.
In the last two months I have gone from 153 pounds to 119 pounds and I am 5‘3“ tall. I don’t want to admit it, but I think this is an eating disorder relapse. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before in my blog, but I struggled with anorexia for a total of 10 years. My caseworker just attributes the weight-loss to stress and depression, but she even told me that if it gets to the point where I am obsessing over calories and have a fear of gaining weight that that’s when it becomes a problem and a disorder. I don’t think this living on my own thing is working out as well as I hoped it would. I just need more support than what I can provide for myself. I was told by my therapist at the center against sexual assault that I needed to go to and more intensive therapy or residential place, but Medicaid doesn’t pay for residential, so I’m kind of out of luck there. If anyone has any resources on Medicaid and eating disorder treatment, please let me know.